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Monday, November 21, 2016

Talking to Each Other

Dear Bro Jo,

Keep loving the blog. Thanks for every single post.

My question deals with a problem that I would love to be able to fix if it lies with me, and do something about even if it's not my fault.

What do you do when you can have a great conversation with a guy, (in person or online, I don't have a phone) and then the next time he sees you he can act like you barely know each other.

Is it up to me to break the communication barrier and infuse some casual friendliness into the relationship or should I wait for him to open up a little more and treat me the way he has before or does online?

It seems like when I wait for him to do something we just grow farther and farther apart until we never speak, in person or online, and if I do something like continue the conversation or just start a new topic, (in person of course) they feel uncomfortable with that too.

Could it be that I''m too forward?

Okay, well where's the line between being a friend and starting a conversation and acting desperate?

I'm afraid I have zero social finesse with guys, though I have a few good male friends, and I'd like to know what to do before I get to the college campus in a few months and squelch all my chances.

I want to be someone they look on as friendly without being in the "friend zone". I'd like to be able to have them ask me out and feel comfortable that it won't be a commitment, but just a nice way for the two of us to get to know the two of us, without other people around, like when hanging out.

I hope this isn't too confusing and I really, really hope that you can give me some good solid Bro Jo advice.

I am willing to get out of my comfort zone if good results are guaranteed, just so you know.

Thanks in advance!

- Dateable

Dear Date-able,

In general, guy, girl or otherwise, I think if you have a good conversational relationship with someone and the next time you see them they seem distant and unfriendly, you should ask them about it. 

Communication is the key to all successful relationships.

Communication and understanding.

If something seems weird, you ask about it, and then you're sensitive and try to be understanding about their answer.

Understanding doesn't mean that you have to agree or comply; it just means that we acknowledge that we're all different, with different points of view and experiences that control what we bring to the table.

Technology can really mess up people's ability to communicate with other people, especially in person. I think its creating a serious social problem world wide . . . but I digress.

Whether its now, or when you're in college in the future, I think the best way to act around people is to be yourself, be sincere, and make friends.

The best way, of course, to make friends, is to listen more than you speak, and treat everyone like the have value (which, of course, they do) and are special (which, of course, they are).

You might be wondering how all of this applies to meeting a guy and getting dates . . . well, the thing is . . . it all applies.

At this point I think you should just focus on being yourself and meeting new people.

As you make those around you more comfortable with you and themselves, dates and relationships will happen.

If you find yourself in college not getting asked out as much as you'd like or by some of the guys you wish would ask you out, well . . . let's cross that bridge then.

For now just be happy and confident with whom you are, and help others to be the same.

- Bro Jo

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