One Guy's Story - Part 3 of 3 - Is "Loyal" the Right Word?

[Dear Readers,

The post below is part 3 of 3.  The first part posted November 20th, 2017.  The second part posted November 27th, 2017.

- Bro Jo]



Dear Bro Jo,

In the intervening time since I sent that last email, I have found at least one aspect of my loyalty that is not good, so you were completely right about my loyalty being a problem.

The problem is this: while I don't blow my significant other off (when I have one), or my friends when I can, I do tend to blow myself off. I hope that makes sense. What I mean is that I will often sacrifice my health or well-being if someone needs me.

When Kari and I were engaged, I was working as a TA, holding office hours and grading projects. She would be with me while I worked, but she would work on homework. I didn't have that luxury. And then, when I was done, we would spend more time together until curfew. (We never broke curfew or the Honor Code, and that fact was a big comfort for me after our failed wedding day. I knew that, regardless of anything else, I was still worthy of a Temple recommend.) I never got a chance to do homework until after she went to bed because she wanted to spend that time with me, and I obliged.

I shouldn't have obliged. I should have limited our time together so I would not be so tired because my exhaustion contributed to the mistakes I made on our wedding day.

Looking back to your comments about my loyalty in your first email, I had to admit that you were right; I was too loyal in that sense, and quite frankly, it was my "almost fanatic" loyalty to her that prevented me from seeing the coming storm. It prevented me from sensing when she was not being completely honest with me as I was with her. Benjamin Franklin said, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." I shut my eyes too fast.

I'm sorry for being so arrogant and stubborn.

I will try to remain loyal to my friends without hurting myself; they deserve that much. I will also try to build friendship before romance because that was another mistake I made with Kari. And if those new friends find it hard to date "because we're friends," I guess I still have new friends.

As for what you wrote in your last email, I will do my best to do those things, but I don't think it will be easy; it's hard to trust in the Lord's timing when His timing gets thrown off by others' poor choices! Oh well.

That said, I can say that I will never give up or surrender. I haven't yet, and I am happier now than I was just a year ago.

Thank you.

- Loyal




Dear Loyal,

Good for you!

I've been wondering, though, if in all of those instances "loyal" is the right word . . .

Hang in there!  You really seem to be on the right path.

Best,

- Bro Jo