Will Having Had Sex Change Their Marriage Plans?

Dear Bro Jo,

I had sex when I was younger.  Three years ago.  At that time I spoke to my Bishop and went through the repentance process.

Now I am dating a wonderful Return Missionary.  We have been dating for 2 years and are set to be married in a few months.

Today we had sex.

Afterwords we cried and prayed.  What do we do now???

Is it okay to go back to the same Bishop I spoke to before?  (He is still my Bishop.)
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What will our punishment be?

Sincerely,

- Me




Dear M.

Sexual sin needs to be confessed to priesthood authority as part of the repentance process. 

Whomever your Bishop is, I recommend that you talk to him very soon.  Instead of the word "punishment" I'd use the word "consequence".  Repentance is not about what happens to us, but rather it's about what the results of our actions are.

My expectation is that a consequence of your action will be loss of Temple Attendance for a year, but that's between you, the Lord, and your Bishop.

My advice is that the two of you strongly consider getting civilly married very soon, and then plan a Temple Sealing for a year after that.  You've been together a long time (too long without getting married, in my opinion); if you love each other and plan to marry I think waiting another year is unrealistic.

But again, I think you need to hear what your Bishop has to say.

And I think you and your finance need to have a very serious conversation.

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you for your advice.

I want to know the consequences for him.  Can he be told not to wear his garments?   Will he have his Melchizedek Priesthood taken away?

I'm so sorry for that.

I don't want to lose him.

- Me




Dear M,

Church Discipline doesn't work that way.  There's no list that says "this sin equals this consequence". 

Moreover, I think you're focusing on the wrong things.

He needs to go talk to his Bishop and seek help repenting.  Whatever happens will be with the goal and purpose of helping him mend his relationship with his Savior and return to worthiness.

You love him; support him in doing what he needs to do.

And make sure the two of you stay out of tempting situations.

ALL tempting situation.

- Bro Jo