Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (with occasional additional posts, too).

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Bro Jo is not a spokesman or authority for the LDS Church. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at dearbrojo@gmail.com.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

A Girl's Value Comes from God, Not from Guys

Dear Bro Jo,

So I always read your blogs and the help people come to you for. I think this is an awesome website and I have some problems of my own.

Mostly right now it is about dating.

I've been 16 for 8 months and i haven’t been on a single date.

My friends have and I’m the only one that hasn’t. I’m scared I’m never going to and also never end up getting married. I don’t feel pretty at all.

I’m also not skinny and I think that is why no boys talk to me.

My mom always asks me "when are you going to get some guy friends?"

But the problem is that nobody talks to me.

I haven’t been to a formal high school dance because no boy asks me. I feel really ugly and I get really depressed sometimes. I want help on how to get boys to talk to me.

Me and my friends are really close and whenever a boy says something to us we freak out because a boy talked to us. Now there is one guy I met and talked to recently but he is a senior.

One day I was waiting for my mom to take me home from school and I saw my friend standing by herself. So I went up to her and asked if I could use her phone to call my mom. She let me use it but my mom wouldn’t answer. So she told me she was getting a ride from this guy (let’s call him L) so this guy saw me with my friend and asked me if I needed a ride home.

I really needed to get home so I said ok.

So I always hear about this guy and how nice he is and so Christ like. He was really nice and the ride home was not awkward at all we talked all the way home. This is more than I’ve ever talked to a guy in a year!

At the end he gave me a pat on the back and said if I needed a ride anytime to ask him.

I said thank you and went inside to my house.

Then I saw him the next day and he said hi.

My friends freaked out and whenever he passes by there always like say hi!

But it’s been a week and I see him in the halls and he doesn’t say hi to me anymore. He takes my friend who let me use her phone home all the time.

I really like how sweet and nice he is. He is always doing something good for someone; he is a student body officer. I want to get to know him more, but I’m really self-conscious. I want help to have more guy friends and talk to boys.

I feel really ugly each day and think that is why boys don’t talk to me. Please give me some advice.

Thank you!

Sincerely,

Hopeless Romantic



Dear Romantic,

(You're not Hopeless.)

I've said it a hundred times: while I wish, and am working towards, all girls getting to go on Casual Group Dates with Good Guys, the truth is that many of the best girls date little or not at all in High School (including Sister Jo, by the way). Does that mean they'll never get married?

Absolutely not.

Nor does it mean that they're unattractive or lacking in value.

I don't believe that any woman, or man for that matter, is truly unattractive; sure, not all of us get the same attention for our looks that others do, but everyone has something good-looking about them. Now, that said, even the "best looking" people can do something to improve their appearance, and to be honest, many of the people we all consider "great looking" are doing something. Or multiple somethings.

Now, I'm not an advocate of crazy diets, and I fight against eating disorders and elective surgeries, but there are some things that are less drastic that can improve not just or appearance, but how we feel about ourselves. Here is a short list of Do's and Don'ts

• Don't drink soda, "energy" drinks or "sports drinks". Loaded with sugar (or chemicals), carbonation and often caffeine, these things add lots of empty calories and can wreck your complexion. Sports drinks are for after a big workout, not a substitute for soda.

• Do drink water, and lots of it. Most of the time when we shove food in our faces it's because we're thirsty, not because we're hungry. Staying hydrated (you should drink a glass of water before every meal) will help to reduce your bad calorie intake and clear up your skin.

• Don't eat high processed or sugary foods. Cut the candy out, and keep other deserts to a minimum.

• Do eat lots of vegetables and reach for fruit (the real stuff, not "fruit snacks") when you want something sweet.

• Don't skip showers or teeth brushing.

• Do keep your body clean. (Somewhere around here I posted a story about a girl I had a huge crush on, but when I took her on our one date she smelled like a . . . well, it wasn't pleasant. Never dated her again.)

• Don't sit for long periods of time.

• Do find a sport or other regular physical activity. Even a light workout will make you feel better about yourself.


Look, I'm not above following this advice myself. All of us can do better, right?

(You can find more stuff like this at Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a BOY'S ATTENTION")

But the point is that you need to take matters into your own hands. Don't just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, do something about it!

Honestly, I have no idea what you look like or what shape you're in, I'm just responding to what you've written. I think each of us has a God-given responsibility to do the best we can with what we're given, and that includes taking better care of the temple we're living in.

Now, all of that said, I want you to realize something very important: who you are, your value as a human being, has very little to do with what you look like, and very much to do with who you are inside. Kindness, a good sense of humor, smarts, drive, compassion, cheerfulness, resolve, making others feel good about themselves, wit, charity, service and magnifying your talents are all infinitely more attractive than how you look. Maybe not all of the guys in high school will get that, but some might. And eventually you'll meet a Good Man who's smart enough to get it, too.

Plus, and this is what's really important: no matter what we do, looks fade and our bodies break down; that other stuff lasts forever.

Never forget that you, my little sister, are a daughter of God, who loves you. You value comes from Him, not from the boys at school who do or don't ask you out.

- Bro Jo

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear romantic,
I know exactly how you feel. I didn't go on my first date until I was in college! It may be hard now, but don't give up! Keep your chin up. Become the person you want to be. The only opinions you need to worry about are your Heavenly Father's and your own. You already know that He loves you, so now you just have to improve your own opinion of you! Be the Daughter of God that you are. Stand tall. Smile. You are worth it. High School is only four years, but you will be with yourself your whole life. I wish you the best!

Kate said...

Something that I've found affects my self-worth and ability to be happy and talk to other people is my relationship with Jesus Christ. When I take time to talk to my Savior and to get to know Him, I'm able to talk to people around me and get to know them much easier. Truly, our relationship with Jesus Christ will affect more parts of our lives and make us happier than anything else. And the way to build that relationship is simple: study your scriptures (especially the New Testament), pray on your knees morning and night, take the sacrament, and serve other people. Doing these things will give you a beautiful countenance, which is more important than a pretty face.

Anonymous said...

I went on a total of 5 dates in high school and only went to dances my senior year. Now I'm about to turn 20 and I usually average one or two dates a weekend. Boys are kind of lame in high school and high school doesnt determine how the rest of your life will turn out so keep your chin up and let your inner beauty and confidence shine through :)