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Monday, August 13, 2012

How Long Before it's Time to Move On?

Dear Bro Jo,

I need help. I've been dating this guy for nearly two years, he is so good to me, and he treats me amazingly well.

I just got back from a holiday where I met this really awesome guy, a friend of extended family.

I know it might seem like a stupid crush, but we got to talking and he has so much in common with me, he is an outstanding member of the church and all around a really amazing person. I could not stop thinking about him. While I am realistic and realize that (sadly) most likely nothing will come out of this, it really got me thinking about my own relationship:

Honestly, I really have nothing to complain about. He's a convert, and I think he struggles with the Gospel a bit, so I do wish that he was stronger in the Gospel, because I have weak moments where I need reassurance -- it's definitely a blessing to have a solid testimony on both sides.

Other than that, he's kind, generous, considerate, and I know he loves me more than anything. If I broke up with him, it would absolutely break his heart.

Anyway, when I got back from vacation, I felt kind of weird around him. I can't even put a finger on what it was, it just felt like things were different maybe? Different for me.

This is so confusing for me, but I have been thinking a lot about where I want my current relationship to go, and how I'm not even close to being ready for marriage (but maybe it's just with this guy??).

So, my question is, was my (BIG) stupid crush on this guy some sort of sign that my current relationship isn't that great? Is it wrong to start to have feelings for someone else while I'm in a relationship? Was it just a dumb crush-of-the-week?

Please help me out here, I'm overwhelmed with thoughts!

Girl with the dumb Crush :)

PS - If it helps, I'm 21. Not 16. Haha.

Dear Girl,

Two years is a long time for an LDS girl your age to be dating a guy with no real commitment. Sure he's a great guy, and as a guy myself who's been dumped by more girls than I care to count, I appreciate that you don't want to break his heart . . .

But if you're not close to ready for marriage, and he doesn't sound like he is either, than the both of you need to be dating other people. Serious Single Dating isn't about just sticking with someone that you find comfortable, it's about finding a good eternal companion. Sometimes "comfort" isn't enough.

Maybe this other guy was nothing more than a crush, but it may also be as you've suggested: an opportunity for you to realize that you're in a dead-end relationship. I think you need to have the difficult talk with your boyfriend, and I think you need to do it now.

I wouldn't burn the bridge, but both of you need to realize that if this relationship isn't going anywhere, then you both need to keep looking.

And who knows. Maybe a little separation is just what you both need to realize you can't stand to be away from each other.

Just realize one thing: you can't gain your freedom without giving him his as well. He may just find somebody else when you realize you should have never let him go. That's the risk you take, but it's a risk you kind of need to take given how you're feeling right now.

Good luck,

- Bro Jo

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