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Friday, August 10, 2012

When Guys and Girls Are "Best Friends"

Dear Bro Jo,

I've read your columns on about how girls and guys can never just stay close friends and how it’s going to end up in either drifting apart or marriage, usually.

I'm not emailing you to debate it; I'm in the situation.

And we both like each other.

It started off as just friends, well for me it did.

And now we're best friends.

But he’s just barely 17 and I'll be 17 this summer so we know and accept that nothing can nor should happen. We know that there is the possibility of marriage. In like 5 years.

And we understand that’s its just a POSSIBLITY. And we're continuing to casual date with a bunch of different people and we restrict how much we see each other too bc physically we don't want to go past being friends (since we're pretty much out of the friend zone in other aspects) until after his mission if I'm single and we still have feelings for each other.

I'm wondering if being such close friends is not the smartest idea at this stage in life. He is my bestest friend ever and I'm closer to him than like...pretty much all my other best friends. We are really close.

I've talked to my mom and a few leaders but I seem to get a different answer from every. I was just wondering what your opinion is.


Dear Concerned,

To clarify, its "men and women", not "guys and girls", which does make a difference. That said, I think the only caution I can give you is to not be alone together. There's nothing wrong with two teens who have a lot in common and get along so well being friendly and paling around together, but if you have any thoughts that this guy might someday mean more to you than "just a guy you used to know" and since you both seem to be attracted to each other, I'd say that one-on-one time is a no-no.

It's like Dr. Seuss.

Not in a room
Not in a car
Don't get too close
Don't go too far

Not on a couch
Not in the dark
Or alone in a house
Or in the park

Beyond that, just as he says, "wait and see".

Oh, and taking this opportunity to clarify, what I've said is "Guys Can't Stay Just Close Friends" . . . the point being, that Guys just don't spend "best friend" level time with girls unless they're hoping it will someday be more.

- Bro Jo


flavia said...

I've been in this situation twice and in one situation the guy just quit talking to me like a best friend. We're still good friends but we haven't seen each other in a few months and we haven't talked either.
But this other situation it confusing. The guy is NOT in a place to be in a relationship and yet until recently we were talking like best friends. Does this mean he's hoping that when he's in a place where it can be, he wants it to be more?

Leonis said...

I somehow ventured into this post! :v

While I agree that men and women can't be just close friends, I think not every man's starting point was "I'm gonna score this chick eventually."

At least for my situation, it was more of a realization on my part, but it was too late anyways. I realized that I was attracted to her right before she handed in her mission papers and now she's gone.

I'll keep writing her, though. ;)

Dave Johnston said...

I wouldn't define every man's "starting point" as that crass, either.

And lack of self-awareness does not make a principle untrue.

Thanks for reading and writing in!

- Bro Jo