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Friday, August 31, 2012

Saying the "L" Word

Dear Bro Jo


I don't know if I know the answer already...

Would it be wise to tell him that I love him, even though we may or may not have any future together beyond our relationship now? We have discussed the relationship a lot, and have agreed that slow is the good way to go, we both feel right moving slow.

Our maturity levels are nowhere near ready for marriage, and we're happy that we each agree on this.

However, we do kind of hope this will stay. It would be nice, but we know it could possibly not happen. Don't know how it's going to work, seeing that I'm moving in January and he graduates in May (though he could get a job anywhere with his field of study), but we both kind of figure if we feel, when the time comes, that we can and/or should make this work, then we will, but right now neither of us can tell. And we should just focus on getting to know each other better first.

In the mean time though, would it be wise to tell him that I love him, or would that be a mistake and make things harder than they should be if we figure we should just go our separate ways eventually?

We both know that is a possibility, and know it won't be easy, but we both agree the Lord knows what is in store and will help direct us to the right path as we remain faithful and diligent and keep ourselves open and worthy of the spirit for guidance and direction.

I am a very loving person, I love many people, it's in my nature. He heads home for 11 weeks later this week. If I tell him, I think I want to tell him before he leaves. But I just don't know if that is a bad idea or not. I don't want to rev the relationship into something a lot faster than it should be, but I don't want to never tell him I love him, either. I don't think saying that would be revving it or not, but I just have no idea. All I know is how I feel, and it feels wonderful, but I just don't know what to do about it.

Many thanks,

Name Withheld,

Dear NW,

I suspect that you DO know the answer already; just go with what your heart and the Spirit tell you to do.

How do you know when to tell someone you love them?

It seems like such a big risk, right? Because what you're really wondering is if he loves you, too.

If it was simply a matter of expressing your feelings and you felt compelled, well then . . . you'd just do it. But the worry is "what if he doesn't feel the same?"

And what if you're at that point and he's not yet? Will spilling your feelings, leaving yourself open like that, will it scare him away???

My thought is this: if you're going to regret NOT telling him . . . if it's the last time you ever see him (not to be morbid, but what if he gets hit by a bus?) . . . will you look back and regret not having taken the risk, then you absolutely need to tell him.

The worst case scenario is that he doesn't feel the same, right? Well, as painful as that will be (and it will probably be cry-your-eyes-out painful - trust the old guy, he knows) at least then you'll know, and that's way better than spending 11 weeks waiting around. (Plus, you could possibly find that in that 11 weeks he wakes up and realizes what a wonderful catch you are.) If he sets you free then you can date other people.

When you're ready.

But . . . if he returns the sentiment . . . well, then . . . that's one of the best feelings in the world!

Love is about risk. And venerability. Not every jump off the cliff results in flight; some of them end in crashes at the bottom.

But if you never leap, you'll never fly.

- Bro Jo

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