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Friday, July 22, 2016

Does He Need to Date More Girls to be Better Prepared for Marriage?

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey there!

I've recently discovered your blog through my mom, and I've really enjoyed what I've read.

Thanks for all your advice, it's really helpful and inspired.

I have just a small question for you, but I figure I should probably give you some background info so you know what to work with here.

I'm a 21 year old RM, just came home right a few months ago

I'm in my first semester up at BYU-I and having a great time of it!

I've been dating a girl exclusively for almost two months now (yes, courting is definitely a better word. We're boyfriend/girlfriend status and have been for over a month).

She's 20, in her third semester at school.

We just recently had a DTR at the recommendation of my mom/my Bishop/some other friends I talked to, and we're both on the same page about our relationship.

We see it leading towards marriage if we continue, and we're both willing to work towards that and see how things go.

I'm really happy with that, she's a fantastic girl that I admire so much and I think I can safely say that I really love her.

She tries to go to the Temple regularly, she's great at scripture study and visiting teaching, and she has a strong testimony.

The thing I admire most about her is that she is very careful about not going too fast with things. For example, she told me that she didn't feel comfortable kissing until she had known someone for a significant amount of time, and I respected her wishes.

We're past that stage now, but it took a month to get there.

I really admire that she isn't just here to "find a husband" and definitely isn't the girl that would rush into an engagement after two or three months, she's taking this seriously.


Which leads me to my question: I have to confess first: I've really only dated a very small amount of girls. I dated a girl exclusively in high school for almost three years, which ended in disaster right before I left to serve a mission.

Long story short, we got too close (yep, exclusivity in high school just isn't worth it OR safe!), and I severed it before it could get too far out of hand.


After returning home from the mission field, I went on a grand total of one date before meeting this girl. And it's just been her since then.

We first met when a friend introduced us at a game night one Saturday, we sat at devotional the next week, she asked me to go dancing with her that night and the following night, then I asked her out that weekend.

She invited me over to watch a movie and do a puzzle the following Monday, we went dancing again that week, next thing you know I asked her to be my girlfriend.

We probably see each other or talk at least once a day, and go on dates once or twice a week, with more casual hanging out in between.


Okay, so the question for real this time: on your blog, you strongly encourage dating a LOT of people.

Is the fact that I (and she's in the same position as me with not having had many exclusive relationships, but she's been on dates with a lot more guys than I have girls) have only dated a few other girls before going to be a problem in deciding whether she's the right girl for me to marry?

I certainly don't want to just end this relationship because I want to "date other people", that seems like a bit of a terrible thing to do. I suppose I'm just curious about what you'd say to a couple in this situation.

So far things have gone great, we really enjoy our time together (she's even taught me how to dance!), and we have a lot of similar interests and a lot of similar goals for our futures.

So whuddya say?

Keep it going and see where it leads?

Thanks!

- Not experienced enough?

PS:. you should know that even though we've broached the topic of marriage, I'm not even close to the point of popping the question.

She considers us to be in the "early stages" of our relationship as well.

We're not racing for the fences or anything, I just want to make sure that we're on the right track before I get to that point where I've got to make that decision.

I have lots of other questions about dating of course, but I'd bet that most of them can be chalked up to inexperience...hence the question!

Thanks!




Dear Friend,

DO NOT BREAK OFF THIS RELATIONSHIP!

Certainly not under any pretext or pressure that you should have dated more girls before you met this one.

Count yourself lucky.

Sure, dating a lot of different people can help us figure out what's a good fit for us and find someone that will make a great companion, but you're already in a good relationship with a great girl, and I see no reason to risk that.

You’re doing it right.

Take it slow.

Get to know each other.

And when it's right, step to the next level.

Now, if you're still not sure (or, hahaha, not smart enough) to realize that it's time to move forward by or before the one year mark, maybe then it will be time to let her go find a better guy . . . but I don't recommend it!

Enjoy, my brother.

Sounds like you're a lucky guy.

Very lucky.

- Bro Jo

PS: Sister Jo and I are at BYU-I tonight! Here to celebrate our anniversary and see our son perform in "Savior of the World".

If you see us, come say hello!




Dear Bro Jo,

I really appreciate you getting back to me so soon, I know you probably have a lot of emails to go through each day!

No, I definitely am not planning on breaking it off anytime soon!

I think that, given how well things have been going, there's a lot of pressure from the adversary to make it not work out.

I think that if things continue how they've been going, this relationship could be (and in a lot of ways already is) exactly what I've been hoping for and definitely what I need in a lot of ways as well.

I've had a lot of fear that it's "too good to be true", so hearing your reassurance and encouragement helps a lot as well.

I'll keep the course, and I have lots of high hopes for this relationship!

Thanks again!

 - Name Withheld

P.S. Happy anniversary!

Hope you enjoyed the show, I saw it last week and it was great!




Dear Friend,

Thank you.

God bless,

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Laura said...

Part of Bro Jo's "date lots of different people" really applies to Casual Group Dating ages, which as a RM, you are not a part of. If you just happened to have found your wife this soon into dating following mission, then consider yourself blessed! :D