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Wednesday, August 2, 2017

What If This Relationship Turns Into Something?

Dear Bro Jo,

I figured I may as well give this a try and save myself worrying all week (or longer)!

I am 21 years old and in YSA. Although I live in a university town there is not a strong base of YSA in my area. Mainly due to lots of inactivity and the Church is still growing here.

Basically I want to date, and I have.

I've been on several dates in the past few months, most with members, but a few not. I've found it really fun and enjoyable and great way to get out of my shell and grow.

I think all of the guys have felt the same way.

But I have met this one guy, who just came home from his mission, and I have to admit I am rather smitten (more like just a puppy crush). But we went out last weekend with a group.

It was super confusing because I didn't know if I was really on a date with him or the other guy who came. But I just didn't stress it and had fun with the group. Then we didn't talk for days until he asked me out for dinner and to a dance this Friday.

Then on Saturday we went to another city together to hang out with other YSA in our Stake. Conversation seems to flow, and I really enjoy getting to know him. But.. (yes there is always a but) I'm not worried if he likes me or not, I figure that will happen and be figured out when it does. But I am concerned about how I feel. I've never been in a serious relationship (ever) or anything like that.

And that is because every time I start getting close I just kind of freak out.

It is scary.

I mean, what if it actually turns in to something? And the what - if's continue. Plus I've always felt so strongly about schooling and the importance of that in my life, and I feel awful that spending all this time with this guy has taken a toll on my grades and my focus. But I know that shouldn't be my main concern. I mean the temple should be my goal, and it is. But why do I feel the need to avoid it as long as possible. Like it actually just grips me with fear and all this anxiety. I guess I'm rambling, but I'm just not sure how to shift my priorities. OR make sure that I can handle both.

I have had many friends recently married and that just adds to pressure and then I look at their lives and realize they are so happy and feel guilty that that isn't what I want for years... It just doesn't seem like the right attitude, but I'm not sure what to do..


- Torn

Dear Torn,

I don't think you need to "do" anything.

Enjoy the moments.  Write about them in your journal.  Pray often that the Spirit will guide you and that you'll be able to understand what the Lord's will is.

And live life.

In other words:  get over it.

Look, life is about change and adaptation.  Regardless of what anyone's plans are, things change.

Very few people, at any age, would have been able to guess five years ago what their life would be like today, and no one can predict all of the things that will happen in the next five years.  Think about it.  Where were you five years ago?  Could you have known all that you know now?

Well, guess what?  The next five years are going to be just as eventful.

You'll be fine.

Trust in God.

Obey the commandments.


Go to Church.

Read your scriptures.

And breathe.

Like Ferris says:  "life moves pretty fast; if you don't stop and look around once in a while . . . you could miss it".

- Bro Jo

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