Dear Bro. Jo,
What do you think of holding hands and just holding each other and stuff like that?
"This girl" really wants me to just hold her, and (as I'm sure you know) I want to.
But at the same time I really want to please the Lord. If it's OK to just sit there and hold her then please, please let me know.
It's really been bothering her that there's no physical connection. Me as well, but I don't know if it's wrong or what.
Please let me know soon.
- Priest
Dear PP,
It depends on the context.
If she's experiencing a tragic moment and is sincerely distraught, I think putting your arm around someone in a comforting, non-sexual way, is OK. But keep things in perspective; a fight with parents over Room Cleanliness is not the same as Grandma Died.
I have no problem with a guy taking a girl by the hand to lead her out to the dance floor, nor do I have a problem with teens holding each other in Proper Waltz Position. For girls, holding a guy by the arm or taking his hand as he escorts her, particularly on a date, is OK so long as you both feel comfortable and are keeping things casual.
Groping, Dirty Dancing, Full-body Hugging, and Grinding are all out of the question.
As is just "sitting there holding her".
Not a good idea. For either of you.
I've got to tell you, PP, the notion that this girl, at your young age, is bothered by the lack of (and longing for more) "physical connection" is a BIG RED FLAG.
Hey, I get it: holding a girl can be Very Enjoyable! But, well, let me explain it this way: can you imagine your father (or Bishop, or Young Men's President) cuddling anyone other than his wife the way this girl wants to be held?
Totally inappropriate, right?
Do you understand why?
Plus I've got to tell you that, again especially at your young age, anyone, guy or girl, that is that dependent on physical reassurance and confirmation of love is more than a little too Attached, Dependent, and perhaps even . . . (it has to be said) Unstable.
She needs to recognize that she's a Daughter of God, and as such has Intrinsic Value whether you're there to hug her or not.
So the short answer is: No; it IS NOT OK for the two of you to be holding each other.
Knock it off.
Save that level of Temptation for your Wife. Her you can hold as much as she'll let you with no moral repercussions should it lead to something more.
You and "This Girl" are WAY TOO CLOSE. You're 16 for Heaven's Sake! You're certainly NOT following the Dating Rules, and if you don't cool your jets soon, this thing's going to get out of hand.
Casual Dating, that's the key until you come home from a mission; that's the goal.
Despite what I said before, I think it may be time to Let Go . . .
- Bro Jo
1 comment:
I do agree, I think you should do more group dating and date some other people. And while reading this, I remembered the Young Women's theme. There's a reason the young women recite it every Sunday, but not everybody really pays much attention to what exactly it means. My suggestion to "this girl" is to think about what the words of this theme mean, and ask herself is what she wants would be upholding the young women values in such a way that she can "stand as a witness of God, at all times and in all things, and in all places" and "be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation."
I believe that just as she should respect you and help you uphold your priesthood, it is equally important for you to help her keep her standards and keep the young women's values.
Just remember to choose the right way... and [you will] be happy... (primary song?) ;-)
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