Scared of the Y of I

Dear Bro. Jo

I LOVE your blog! Your awesome! I had a ton of questions to ask you and after reading a few posts I saw you already answered them, but I still wanted to address this.

Like the recent post about Tired of Being Dateless, I too am soon going to college and scared. I can't say I haven't been on a date, because I have been on a few, but not nearly as many as my friends. I love the excuse that boys in my ward/stake don't ask girls out, but the truth is they do, they just don't ask me.

I am 35 days away from going to BYU-Idaho (not that I'm counting down or anything!), and my dad asked me a question today. He asked me if I will be crushed if I don't get asked on a date my first semester. The answer... YES!!!

I am not the kind of girl who is going to BYU just to find boys and get married. I have a major in mind and I intend on finishing college, but come on, who doesn't want to date!

I guess my main question is: How do I overcome the fear of not dating? If my roommates get asked out and I don't, how do I not get jealous? If there is a social gathering, and I don't have a boy talk to me, how do I leave that happy? And, what is BYU dating going to be like? The boys my age will all be preparing for missions, and probably are focusing on that right now rather than girls. Plus the 19 and 20 years olds are on missions? Will I not date until I am 21 too?

I can see myself going on a mission at 21, does that mean I won't date until I get back, will it be too late then?

I have kinda rambled about a lot of random stuff, but this is what I have been thinking about as I pack my room up for school. Thanks for your blog, it rocks!

-Scared of BYU-I

Dear Scared,

I’ve been married nearly 20 years, and I still love to date!

Interestingly put: “how do I overcome the dear of NOT dating?” . . . I often get letters from people afraid TO date . . .

I think the first step is to realize that, as a daughter of God, you have intrinsic value, you are a Young Woman of High Quality whether or not you EVER date.

Bro Jo cannot explain, account for, nor entirely understand the stupidity of men when it comes to failing to acknowledge and date great women . . . their loss more than yours.

The second thing you can do is to increase your odds of getting asked out.
Check out my related columns:

“How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her on a Date"


“Bro Jo’s 10 Ways a Girl Can Increase the Chances a Guy Will Actually Call”


“Bro Jo’s YSA Dating Do’s and Don’ts”


and “How a Girl Can Get a Guy’s Attention”


And be honest with yourself.

If you find that guys don’t talk to you at social functions, you need to ascertain if that’s because of you as much as them. Too many Sisters sit at home, dodging Church Activities and not doing anything to show the Brethren how wonderful, bright, fun, spiritual and attractive they are, hoping that Prince Charming will somehow divine their location, as if following a distant star, and knock unsolicited on their door. They dream of throwing it open and upon for sight of them, he’ll proclaim “Oh, Sweet Princess of my Dreams! Thou art she whom I’ve longed for and desired!”

Ain’t ever gonna happen.

No, it’s not too late to find a great guy if and when you get home from a mission; quite the contrary, so long as you actually LOOK.

Lastly, I have news: once you get to BYU-I all men under 30 are in your age group. Not that I typically recommend courting over a large age gap, but just because the 19-22 year old guys are gone doesn’t mean that there won’t be plenty of men over 21 that are interested, appropriate, and available.

Good luck at school, you’ll do fine. Thanks for Reading and Writing In!

- Bro Jo