Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published several times a month.

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "Dear Bro Jo" is not an LDS Church website. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at

Monday, August 22, 2011

Will Her Patience Pay Off?

Hey Bro Jo,

Soooo...I have a friend on his mission in (location withheld) who gets home in just a couple months. I REALLY like him...a lot! We met 3yrs ago this coming summer on a commuter train where he used to work. We hit it off. I really liked him then and told him, but he shot me down and told me that he just wasn't interested. (This was before he decided he even wanted to go on a mission).

So about 4-5 months after that I found out he was putting his mission papers in....I was way excited for him and yet sad that I wouldn't get to see him for 2 years. Well, we have been writing back and forth consistently this whole time and have become just super close friends. I've been the good friend that encourages him, bears testimony and just does what I can to help keep him focused on his mission.

But, now....he comes home in less than 4 months. He's changed a lot and well, so have I. In his letters he's always saying he loves me and always inquiring about my plans for the future, etc...Is that just the "missionary" in him?

I think its great he cares but the last thing I want to do is to get my hopes up. u know? I have never met anyone like him....honest. What kind of a guy would still want to be friends with a girl who told them they really liked him?

I mean, basically every other guy that I've done that to has turned and ran away as fast as they could and then never talk to me again. haha. On top of that, he's super spiritual and funny and friendly and we get along so great. I'm really good friends with his best friend and it just seems like things keep falling into place one step at a time.

I'm 26 and he'll be 22 in April when he comes home, but I'm drawn to him and keep thinking maybe he could be that someone I've been waiting for all along...and then, maybe not....who knows?

Am I being irrational over this whole thing? What do I do? I definitely don't want to be dumb about this whole thing. I want him to give me a chance but, I don't want to make the same mistakes as before when I first met him.

Any advice would be sooo great!

Thanks a million,


Dear Unsure,

I don't know what "mistake" you made before, and I don't think I'd call what you're feeling irrational . . . premature, perhaps, but not irrational.

The guy isn't even home yet - relax! Let the guy focus on the last season of his mission. When he comes home and has had a chance to breathe then you can switch modes from "supportive girl back home" to "girl he should ask out".

If he does and it works out, great! If he doesn't or it doesn't work out, well . . . at least then you'll know and can move on. If someone asks you out in the interim you should absolutely go; no sense hanging all of your dreams on just one star.

Yes, at some point you may need to confess your feelings and see if it's mutual, but let's not try to cross that bridge before we get there.

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

I agree, definitely let the guy get his feet back on solid ground back home again before you make any moves. The last months of a mission are especially hard when it comes to feigning any form of distractions. When he gets back home, play it by ear. If things work out great. If he turns out to be not so interested, what is lost? Its frustrating to put yourself out there time and time again, only to be rejected, but you will never have any hope of leaving the single world unless you're gutsy enough to take a couple chances.

Jules Verne said...

Bro Jo, I wrote a missionary friend of mine, and he wrote a very short letter back. I know he's busy and I'm glad he's not taking the time to write great long epistles, and I'm grateful he wrote back at all, but is it still worth it to write him next month, a very pro-mission, cheerful, friends-only letter?

Dave Johnston said...

@ Jules -

I'm not entirely sure what you mean when you write "worth it" . . .

The type of letter you're talking about is always welcome, but are you guaranteed a reply, romance, or something to hope for?


Write the letter.

- Bro Jo