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Friday, January 4, 2013

Should She Date the Non-member Boy?

Dear Bro Jo,

There's this nonmember boy that I really like, and it's getting to the point where dating him is becoming a serious possibility.

I've heard a lot of different advice about dating nonmembers. I've heard that it depends on their personality and standards. I've heard that you just shouldn't.

Up until this point, I've thought that, ideally, it's best to stick to dating other LDS teens so you have the same values and standards, but I live in an area with very few members and the guys who live near me either aren't interested or just aren't nice guys. I know that when I'm at the point where I'm looking for a husband I should absolutely stick to men who can take me to the temple, but I'm only 16 and still just trying to figure out what I do and don't like.

I'm experimenting.

So this guy really doesn't have the same standards as me, but from what I've heard he really wouldn't put me in a compromising situation. But is that relationship doomed to fail?

I would have absolutely no tolerance for "Inappropriate touching", etc... but what if he does start to expect that from me?

Is it worth it to try?

I know he doesn't have a problem with premarital sex, but I highly doubt he would purposefully put me in that situation, so is it worth the risk?

- Concerned

Dear Concerned,


Where to start . . . ?

Perhaps here:

all "relationships" that don't have a promise of "Time and All Eternity" are destined to end;

and any "relationship" with someone that you don't marry is, by definition, "destined to fail".

Consider that for a moment, please.  Does it make sense?

Your problem I think, my 16-year old little sister, is that you're totally confused about what This Time in your life is supposed to be about, completely wrong about the types of "relationships" you should be having with boys, and so immature and desperate (for what I'm not quite certain) that you've given a laundry list of excuses for why you think having a . . . "relationship" with a non-member boy that you have no intention of marrying who may expect sex from you is, as you put it, "worth the risk".

Now is the time you're supposed to be going on Casual Group Dates, not "having relationships".

Nothing is "worth the risk" when it comes to your virtue (reading that question from you almost made blood spurt out of my eyes).

If I live a thousand years I'll never understand why so many girls (wrongly) think that their value and attractiveness comes from having a boyfriend, and not from God.

Someone thinking you're pretty or sexy or cute or desirable does not make it so any more than no one you know of thinking those things makes that true.  And how about the more important stuff?  You can be smart and fun and kind and caring AND pretty whether or not anyone around you realizes any of that.  You are a Daughter of God, and as such you are Divinely All of Those Things!

If this boy wants to take you on Casual Group Dates, that's fine; just follow The Rules.

But you pursuing him for a "relationship" is not a good idea, and not worth any risks at all.

And none of that changes whether he's a Latter-day Saint or not.

 - Bro Jo

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