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Friday, January 25, 2013

Should You Double Date with Your Parents?

Dear Bro Jo,

 I'm 15, but will be turning 16 in a few months.

Last month at a Church dance my friend asked me out on a double-date with his parents with it scheduled for spring break (after my birthday).

However, I wasn't sure whether to say yes or no at that point so I kind of played it off cool and made it seem like I wanted to have a group thing instead (he asked me to a Mormon movie marathon at his house: RM, Single's Ward, etc.).

His dad's a branch pres. and this guy is very trustworthy and righteous so I was planning on dating him when I did turn 16.

However, now I’m not sure if he took it as a rejection or simply trying to do the right thing, and it's difficult to talk to him about it because I can never find him alone.

Anyways, I guess I’m just worried that I hurt any chances of us ever going on dates. I'm also wondering whether or not a double-date at his house with his parents actually counts as a double-date.

More insight to the situation: the two of us go way back. We met in third grade during the city's swim season, and at the time I'm pretty sure we liked each other without telling the other. (It was so long ago it’s difficult to remember). We didn't go to the same school (still don't) and have never been in the same ward, but off-n-on we'd see each other up till high school and it would always seem that sparks would fly for at least one of us, and usually only one.

This last swim season I liked him a lot and he liked another girl, no big deal I didn't really care as long as we could still be friends. However he found out and started to get very interested in the situation, but I don't think he ever started to like me.

Then things started to get really awkward as more and more people discovered that I liked him.

We grew apart in our friendship, and over the summer I decided that it wasn't worth having feelings for him if we couldn't remain friends. This school year we started to talk to each other again after seminary, but there was still a feeling of awkwardness.

Then I told a story about a guy at school that I had been interested in and then found out he had a major problem. Anyways, this got my friend to be my friend again. Yay!

But then he asked me out, but I wanted to remain friends.

Yes I know he asked me out on a friend date, but I think the only reason, why he said his parent would be there was because I said that I had determined to not go on a single-person-date for a long time. I'm kind of flustered and confused by all of this.

Can you give me some insight into the way a guy’s head works and if I made the right decision by not saying yes at the time he asked me out?

Also is it a double-date if the parents are there too?

Thanks,

Confused-without-a-doubt



Dear Doubt,

If you wanted to go out with the guy, and he asked you in an appropriate way, you should have said yes.

However, going over to a guy's house with his parents home IS NOT an appropriate date.  A date is when you Go Out.  A Hang Out is when you Go Over.

He's supposed to Plan, Pick Up and Pay.  You going to his house is not a "pick up".  And even if he Picks Up, taking you "back to his place" isn't the kind of thing a girl should be doing with a guy until it's her place, too.

Double dating with the guy's parents can be okay sometimes, IF you Go Out.  But even then it's a little weird.  I mean, doesn't this guy have any friends?  If he wants to take you out so bad (and why wouldn't he?), can't he find one other over 16 non-gay guy (heck, even guys who think they're gay or act gay will still go on dates with girls . . . usually - it's just Casual Group Dating, after all - it's not "Parking and Making Out") within 50 miles that would like to have a fun evening with a nice girl (you could even suggest one of your friends as said girl)?

No need for you to be so desperate to date that you drop your standards.

This thing at his house . . . it doesn't feel like a date at all . . . more like a gathering.

So . . . being that I didn't get to this letter until well after your birthday and spring break . . . did you go?

- Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

I did go on a date with him . . . an Actual Date!

We changed it up a bit.  We went mini-golfing with my sister and her husband.

Earlier in the day he asked my favorite color and then brought those color flowers. We had a lot of fun, and there will be another date in a couple of weeks. More of a family gathering, this one will probably be with both sets of parents all 6 of his siblings and my little brother.

We don't mean anything to come out of us dating right now though; we are just in the predicament that very few other youth in our area date casually.

Thanks for the reply,

- Doubt


Dear Doubt,

Never let the failings of others become your excuse for not doing what's right.  I think doubling with your sister and her husband is better than either sets of parents, and going to mini-golf is Way Better than going over to his house.

He seems like a Good Guy, but remember, you're not supposed to be getting into a Serious Relationship at your age.

- Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you for the reminder, but no worries. Our last date was in April and this one isn't until June.

After this we are going to try to find other people to date. There are plenty of young women for him to date, but very few guys for me to.

Thank you again for all the advice though.

- Doubt



Dear Doubt,


I'm always nervous when someone says "I'm not doing things correctly now, but I plan to do them correctly in the future.  I hope you can understand why.

I wish you many happy Casual Group Dates!

- Bro Jo

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