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Monday, May 19, 2014

Dating in a Different Country

Hey Bro Jo,

I'm in a pretty unique situation at the time and I was wanting some help on this issue.

I am an American who moved to Germany seven years ago. I just turned seventeen, which means I should be going on dates. The problem is, I don't.

The reason is because Germans don't understand what Casual Group Dating is.

If I were to say I went on a date with someone, they would think I'm in a relationship.

Bavarians don't date much, they hang out.

Non Mormon Bavarians also like clubbing on the weekends and drinking (You can legally drink when your 16 here). So the question is, how do I date in this situation?

In a couple of days, I'll be visiting the states for summer with my family. When I'm in the US, is it a good idea to date people from my old ward that I don't know well (I moved out when I was 10)?

I've only been on one date in my life. It was last year when I visited the US with my family It was a blind group date with a friend of my cousin's (female), who planned the whole thing, planed my date, and basically did all the work herself.

She's planning another date when I'm there this summer.

What should I tell her, because I want to go on a proper date, not one where I just tag along?

Thanks a lot for helping me out.


- Germarican

Dear Germarican,

Interesting twist, but not unique.

I get letters like yours from youth all over the world.

Just last month I was writing back and forth with a guy who lives in Hawaii that's going through the exact same thing you are.

So cheer up, my friend!

You're not alone.

What you want to be doing is Casual Group Dating, just like you said, and you may need to teach the kids your age that you're around what that's all about.

Step up and be a leader.

By keeping it Casual and going in Groups people will understand that this is more like a Priest-Laurel Activity without adults than it is a Romantic Interlude.

The education you need to be doing may start with yourself and your parents.

Take a look at "Bro Jo's Guide to Casual Group Dating" and my "Dating Rules for Teens".

Get familiar with the concepts and then get your parents on board. 

Then find yourself a good dating buddy.

Or three.

Once you have a group of guys willing to give this a shot, throw a movie party, or better yet a game night and invite a bunch of girls.

During the event ask the girls if they've ever heard of "Casual Group Dating" and then sell them on it.

Point out things like you and the other guys would be Planning, Picking up and Paying.

Tell them that because it's Casual there's no pressure, no expectations of romance, and it's all just about going out and having fun.

Youth will go for the concept, you're just going to have to do the leg work to put it in motion.

And yes, when you visit the states get in some dating practice.

Even though you're far away you can still do some planning.

And, lucky for you, you've got a cousin that can help.

Have fun!

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This was pretty fun to read because I am that guy from Hawaii! Haha