I have a situation that needs your advice.
I am a 24 year old LDS female so I have been in the LDS YSA dating field for awhile now.
Last year, I had the opportunity to move to another country to go to graduate school.
The Church here is very small so there is a very limited supply of dating LDS guys.
2 months ago, a new guy moved here to go to the same graduate school. He is also LDS. He's 26, returned missionary, very active in the gospel, worthy priesthood holder who upholds all of his covenants, temple worthy, and is an all around great guy.
We have hung out quite a bit, and with each meeting, we learn more about each other. The more time we spend together, the more my feelings for him develop.
Sometimes it is just the two of us when we hang out. He's shared personal things about his life, family, and future goals with me, and I've shared similar personal things with him.
Last week, we discussed why each of us is still single, and his response is that he may be putting it off because he has so many life goals. He seems like a very independent person, and it seems that getting married is not on the top of his list.
Since he is an active returned missionary who is active in the gospel, shouldn't getting married be on the top of his list, especially if he is 26?
What is wrong with some of the LDS single men that feel it is not their priority to get married or at least work towards it?
I've been hurt in the past so I have reservations about opening myself up to people I have feelings for. I have never been very good at expressing my feelings, and I am wondering if I am giving him any hints at how feel about him.
Sometimes when he looks like at me, it feels like he is looking right inside of me seeing the whole me. I've never felt like this before when someone looks at me like that. This feeling is intoxicating and incredibly frustrating all at the same time because I don't know how he feels about me.
Sometimes I think he has to have feelings for me if he shares so much with me, but then sometimes he is so independent that it makes me feel like he doesn't have feelings for me. Is it possible that he just wants me as a friend?
How do I make it known that I want more than that in my life?
If I do tell him my feelings about him, I don't want it to be awkward since our church branch is so small here.
I've prayed about him and the situation between us, and my mind keeps being drawn towards him. Does that mean I shouldn't give up on him?
Any advice would be helpful to ease the mental turmoil that I am in.
- Inept in Relationships
(I don't know that I'd call you "inept" . . . "naive", maybe; definitely "lacking in confidence" . . . but not "inept")
You raise a common question: what exactly is wrong with Return LDS Missionary Men who are still single at 26?
Should marriage be a priority for Young Single Adult RM Men?
Church Leadership certainly thinks so.
And so do I.
You've also discovered the answer to why many of them don't: they're living only for themselves.
You can call that Selfish if you want.
And Sister Jo would say that you're absolutely correct if you do.
(It's a problem not just exclusively with the Young Men, by the way.)
Clearly your biggest mistake is that you're "hanging out".
How is he ever going to see you as a potential date if you don't act like a girl who should be dated?
And why would he ever ask you on a date if you don't require that kind of effort?
After all, we are talking about a guy who's pretty inept himself when it comes to relationships.
The guy needs some training, and it's probably going to be up to you to be the trainer.
Don't make things too easy for him, but put your "teacher" hat on.
"You know, you and I spend lots of time together. You may not be ready for anything serious, and frankly I'm not either, but I deserve to go on some dates with a nice, smart guy. You're the only one around that qualifies, so you're taking me out this weekend. Do it right. No hanging out. Come up with a plan, and then call me or better yet, bring me some flowers, and ask me on a date. Trust me, I'll say 'yes'. But don't make me wait too long, a girl needs time to plan."
Then kiss him on his cheek, give him a hug, or touch his arm or something and walk away.
If he doesn't bite, he's neither as nice nor as smart as we're both hoping.
And if that's the case, you'll need to move on.
Let me know how it goes,
- Bro Jo