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Friday, May 2, 2014

Guys, Make the Call

Dear Bro Jo,

So I don't know exactly where to start, so I will just give you a little background on an experience that has me thinking.

Not too long ago, one of my friends came home from his mission.

He was dating one of my really good friends before he left, and we became acquaintances through her, and I wrote him some while he was gone.

After he came home I messaged him on Facebook (he lives close to 2 hours away, but we are in the same stake) and we talked some.

I saw him at seminary graduation, and we didn't really talk much there.

I messaged him again yesterday on Facebook and we talked for a few minutes, then that continued today and eventually he said he had to go but that if I wanted to reply I could text him, and he gave me his number.

Then I responded, something like "well I can't do that now, can I?"

And I gave him my number.

So another one of my friends who I met at EFY a couple years ago actually met this RM at a YSA activity.

So I was telling him what I said and in response to what I said at the end he said, "grow up and stop being coy." Was I being "coy"?

 Maybe, but I have tried to make it a general rule that boys should text me or call me first if they want to talk to me.

Some guys think it's ridiculous.

But I can think of numerous occasions where I've been taught that I am worth it, and that a guy should make the effort.

My friend's point was this "the fact that when a guy respects a girl even though they're equal means that he truly loves them.

It's not about equality or not because in the end he will always hold you in the highest respect, so it doesn't matter if you take the first step."

Well, to me I did kind of make the first step already.

And it would be nice to see some effort on the other person’s part, so I know they actually want to talk to me.

And I explained once again, I have always been taught that the guy should have to work for the girl.

So maybe what I'm looking for is what you think is "initiating conversation appropriateness."

In person: I think then a girl can go up to the guy Phone call/text: I think he should make the first move on that one.

And of course a girl can lead a guy in the right direction in order to do so.

I feel like some people think making a guy take the initiative is old fashioned.

My friend said there is a reacher and a settler, usually the reacher is the boy, but it can also be the girl.

I think of it more as the boy should be the reacher and the girl should meet him there.

Am I right in my thinking?

I don't think I am expecting too much.

Sincerely,

- Wanting Some Backup



Dear Friend,

I've got your back.

The guys who think girls should make the first move are either lazy, cowards, or bad guys.

(And that’s why you’ll hear so many guys say that they think it’s fine.)

That's an international fact, and it's been true since the creation of Eve.

Stick to your standards, be coy, make them text and call you first.

There's no better way to convince guys that you're worth the effort.

However, it's totally okay to go encourage conversation.

Flirt, get him to talk about himself, even tell him to ask you for your phone number or ask you on a date; all of that is brilliant!

In short, you're right and he's wrong.

And if he doesn't figure that out soon, he may be single for a long time.

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Megan said...

I've had girls tell me that it's fine to make the first move, but they are wrong. Sometimes it works, but most of the time it's not a good idea. The rules change when you are actually dating or married to the guy, but when it comes to when you are first dating, they initiate it.