Dear Bro Jo,
Thank you.
You're right.
I am totally an over thinker.
But I've pondered for a few days, and I completely agree with you.
He's a strong, righteous man, and I don't need to worry about it at all.
Once I figured that out, it hasn't bothered me a bit.
Okay, but here's another question for you, which you may answer the same way but maybe not: how do we know when we're in love?
We had a three hour conversation last night and really discussed our relationship and potential in depth.
We came to the conclusion that we are logically a perfect fit and really compatible.
We have similar goals and solid testimonies and we enjoy spending time together.
He would do anything for me.
But neither of us feels head over heels or really twitter-pated.
While we can be really affectionate, there's not really a "spark".
So my guesses are that:
A) it's too soon to say and we need to be patient, or
B) We have a misconceived notion of love and are looking for something illogical, or
C) we're not in love and if we're not feeling a spark now we won't ever.
(Sorry, I'm super analyzing again. We're both pretty left brain people in a lot of ways.)
My best bet is with A.
We've both been praying a lot, not necessarily if we're "The One" because that's silly, but just for guidance and wisdom and a point in the right direction.
And we're getting....nothing.
So maybe that means that we have more studying to do, or maybe God is waiting for us to make a decision.
Or something else.
I don't know. Is the twittery lovey feeling essential or even real?
What is love and how do you know when you have it?
Are we totally jumping the gun and over thinking?
Thanks again for your wisdom,
- CG
Dear CG,
I think A is part of it . . . but Sister Jo and I would say B is perhaps an even bigger part.
I get a lot of emails (from guys and girls) that say something to the effect of "I've met this great person, I love everything about them, and can see myself being with them forever . . . if it wasn't for this One Thing".
And that One Thing has been everything from "no sparks when we kiss" to "they aren't the person I thought I'd marry", from problems in their past to Big Red Flags now.
Big Red Flags scare me. And I think they should certainly get attention. And are often very legitimate
But, as Sister Jo says, people (in and out of the Church) struggle with is misconceptions of Love and Marriage and Sex and Attractiveness perpetuated by modern media, and those misconceptions keep them from knowing Real Joy and Eternal Happiness.
Sister Jo is the Most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Period. Does that mean that I've never said "hey, that girl over there is pretty"? No. (Although I've discovered that now I'm so old I think "Wow! That girl over there is really pretty, and she seems smart and fun and to have a lot going for her . . . I wonder if she'd date my son?" HA!)
Does it mean that every moment of ever day Sister Jo has looked like a Super Model or Today's "Hot" Actress? No. (But then, to be fair, Super Models and Actresses don't look like what we think they look like, either. It's amazing to me in this digital age of information how many of us are unaware of that.)
Every time we kiss is it sexy and exciting and romantic?
Uh . . . no.
And, let's not lie: I'm not exactly the best looking, smartest, easiest to get along with, best kissing person either. (I know you're not surprised.)
Marriage is about Trust and Sacrifice and Hard Work; it's about Honor and Protection and Partnering Together to Create a Family (as best you can) as God has designed a Family to be.
See, we used to see couples in movies stand up in front of their friends and family and swear to "honor and cherish" each other BEFORE they went off and had sex.
(Even the homosexuals in Hollywood used to at least pretend - if not agree - that's they way things are supposed to be.)
Not any more.
And I submit that lack of understanding is the root of a lot of problems.
But I digress . . .
Be Patient.
But also understand that a Good Relationship can be a Great Eternal Relationship without ever, in this life, being "perfect".
- Bro Jo
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