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Monday, September 1, 2014

One Girl's Story - Part 7: A New Guy

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm just finishing up my fifth semester, and last week I went on a date with a guy.

We totally hit it off, and it was so fun.

Since then, we've seen each other almost every day, we went to dinner with his parents last night, and we have another date tonight.

He's held my hand, but we haven't kissed.

I've really been impressed with him. He's very smart and ambitious, funny, and very active in our ward. He's best friends with his sisters, adores his mother, and respects his father. I really like him, and he really likes me, so there's definitely relationship potential.

So here's my question. At the beginning of the semester, about three months ago, I found out that my parents are divorcing. They are currently separated, and have been off and on for about a year. I was devastated, but I didn't let it ruin the rest of my life. I still have excellent grades, a good job, and close friends.

Even though this has been so incredibly difficult for me, I've used this trial to grow closer to my Savior. My testimony has grown so much this semester, and I know everything will be ok, and my life is in the Lord's hands. I'm secure enough with myself and my testimony to not be completely shaken up, but I'm still sad and grieving.

My family lives about 10 miles away from my school, so I'm able to go home fairly often.

So do I tell the guy I'm dating about my family situation?

Do I tell him now?

Do I tell him if we start dating exclusively?

Do I tell him before he meets my family?

I don't want to just spill all my family problems to him when we've only been dating for a little while, but it is a big part of my life right now, so I feel like it would be important for him to know.

It's possible that I won't end up in a relationship with him, but I want a plan just in case.

What are your thoughts?

At what level of a relationship is information like this to be disclosed?

Thanks,

- CG




Dear CG,

I know the culture at your school is weird . . . but it sounds to me like you're In A Relationship already.

He may be a little too slow (or too shy) with the smooching, but Holly Heck, you're together all the time and he had you meet his parents.

Not to rush either of you, and I understand you each feel like you'll need to have the DTR first (btw - looking back, I don't think I EVER had a "Determine the Relationship" talk, even with Sister Jo), but I'd say something is already happening. I hope he's not too dumb to realize it.

Anyway . . . It IS interesting that you've met his parents, and with yours only 10 miles away that he's never asked about yours . . .

Of course, it IS still early in the process . . .

I'd say, in general, that you need to wait a little longer before telling him about your folks.

That's deeply personal information, and unless he asks, it should wait.

If he does ask, something like "what is your family like?", then I think you should use that opportunity to tell him.

If he doesn't ask about your family in the next few dates, that may be a red flag, but I wouldn't worry about it just yet.

One step at a time.

Hopefully tonight he'll try to kiss you. (If it helps, check out "The Six L's of How to Get Kissed"

And thank you for sharing your testimony of the Savior!

- Bro Jo

2 comments:

J-Dawg Fluffy said...

I'm slightly amused that I know who wrote this and how it all turns out.

Laura said...

Eh, I don't think it's bad that they haven't kissed yet (at the time this was written). It's only been a week or 2. There are good sides to being cautious at the beginning of a relationship. Even though after only a month of dating, I KNEW I'd marry the man who is my husband now, we still waited about 6 months. (Though we did kiss on the cheek after about 6 weeks...) It just felt right for us. Got married 8 months after that. Lots of kisses after the first, and plenty more after the sealing. But we built a VERY solid friendship and trust before we kissed. Went through some personal high and personal low times while maintaining a good friend/relationship.

Just my thoughts!