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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Girls Please Don't Dump an RM for a Mission!

Dear Bro Jo,

Girls please don't go on a mission if you're dating an RM!

Just don't complicate things.

Let the single girls be the ones that go if they want to.

We guys accept that you girls are superior to us guys in every way, that we're like the scum of the earth compared to you girls, and that we may not even be worthy to be in the same date as some of you; our Church local leaders treat you and us in such ways that reflect those ideas.

We admit our inferiority compared to you, you don't have to rub it in by going on a mission and doing it better than us.

If you're single and don't really go on many dates, then great go.

If you're not single (or you're single but get asked out constantly) then please don't go...please stay and be a blessing to a lucky guy and a lucky family that only you can create and nurture.

- Anon

Dear Anon,

Is the comment above an honest plea?

Or just sarcastic and bitter?

Readers, what do you think?

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

It might be an honest plea but it is also selfish. Just because a girl goes on lots of dates doesn't mean she should not go on a mission if that's what she feels inspired to do. Also it feels as if he's telling girls that don't go on lots of dates, "well sorry you're not good enough to get married and we men are not interested so since you have nothing better to do go on that mission."
There is also the seeming uplifting of girls but he makes it sound like they are trying to up one the boys on missions if the girls are doing better than the boys it is either luck and the boys can't do anything about that or the boys need to try different strategies and work harder it doesn't mean that the girls should go home so the boys can do mediocre work and feel good about it. Then with the girls that don't go on lots of dates go on missions and girls that do go on lots of dates should stay home to be a blessing to some lucky guy is pretty much saying yeah I know that I just said how great women are but I still believe they are here for the sole purpose of pleasing men and they shouldn't have any goal outside of getting married and having kids unless they aren't as attractive.

EmilK said...

I think it's dripping with privilege and entitlement. It's things like this that make me a feminist.

EmilyK said...

Hmmm. Bro Jo, what do you think of feminism?

Bro Jo said...

Interesting question.

Feel free to email me.


- Bro Jo

Anonymous said...

Okay, I can understand a guy's wistful thinking of trying to get girls to stay home and not serve a mission, but this really offended me.
You see, I'll be 20 in less than a year, and have never really been on a real date (I'ave had a few experiences that could probably pass, but they all fit on one hand) and I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend or anything like that.
Does that mean I should go serve a mission because I don't deserve to make some guy happy because I'm single and don't get asked on a lot of dates? Absolutely not.
For sisters, you should only go on a mission if you feel the need and desire to serve, not because you are single and some guy tells you to go because he doesn't need you. How arrogant.
This RM doesn't deserve to be married to some girl at this point in his life because of his attitude. He is not mature enough to do so. He seems bitter that Church leaders try to say that women are important and need to be respected, and that they are no less better than men, especially when many leaders often say women are better than men. He also has an inferiority complex. He thinks he didn't do a good enough job on his mission, and now some girl is going to go out and do it better than him when is is supposed to, and she doesn't (sexist tendency). What he doesn't understand is that each individual who goes out on a mission has something special to offer others and also learn for themselves. As long as each missionary is putting in their best effort and living the mission rules, no one missionary is doing a better job than another. This RM is bearing many signs, regardless of whether this was sincere or sarcastic, of tendencies to be emotionally abusive.
What I hope he realizes is that if some girl he really cared about, maybe even loved, did go off on a mission, that is what's best for everyone. If the Lord really inspired her to serve a mission, then they probably shouldn't be together, at least not at that time. So he can feel, lost, sorry, sad, hurt, etc., but if he truly loved her and cared about her, then he would have her best interest (in this case a mission) at heart.
But I don't think he seems to realize that. He has some growing up to do.

Anonymous said...

Have this guy ever heard if you love her, you should let her go. See Bro Jo, not every RM is ready to get into a relationship or marriage. And he's one of them.

Bro Jo said...

Now you guys . . . I've never said that just because someone is an RM that they're automatically qualified and ready for marriage . . . and when the above comment first came through I'm the one who questioned the sincerity of the post . . .

But I think you're missing a couple important points here:

1. The post clearly talks about a girl who is IN a relationship with an RM. That and the tone, leads us to believe that this particular writer was in love with and ready to propose to a girl who dumped him and said she was turning in her papers.

While it's absolutely possible that she felt inspired to serve a mission, it's also possible that she:

a) was using the threat of a mission to judge his heart and commitment level (which, if that's the case, it sounds like he failed)

b) realizes he's serious and she's trying to get out of the relationship (perhaps he's always bitter, and not just because of the break up)

c) realizes she just flat out isn't ready for the marriage thing yet

2. I'm disappointed that not one of you (yet) has mentioned that for a woman marriage and motherhood is a higher calling than a mission, and that EVERY SINGLE PROPHET and APOSTLE has told girls that a mission is not required.

Hey, I'm not a fan of this guys either at this point, but I do think he makes a good point, and we all need to remember that there's more than just the side he presents to this story.

Great comments! Please continue.

- Bro Jo

Anonymous said...

Well then, I'll be the first person to straight out state it: regardless of the fact that I don't feel safe enough around many of the people I meet to mention it because they won't treat me or the fact well, marriage and motherhood is a higher calling than a mission for a sister! I more than believe this. And no matter how often I don't bring it up because people won't take it, and no matter that I currently am not fulfilling this calling because it hasn't been given to me yet, I still put it first. I totally do not disregard sisters who serve missions, or the brethren who can't see their way to proposing marriage yet, or all that. But if anyone's looking for even one person who will admit that they live by the standard that marriage is the higher thing to keep in mind, then I'll be that one person. (In fact, maybe this afternoon, I'm the one person feels good sometimes to be able to resay it, since I hardly meet anyone who will agree or take me up on the idea. When I started writing, I suddenly felt pretty validated. Just sayin'.)

Emilie said...

Oh boy!
I'm married, I could have been leaving on a mission last Christmas, but I never felt like a mission was something I was supposed (or wanted) to do, though if I had gotten that prompting, I would have obeyed it.
There are three main points I feel we should draw from this bitter young man's story.
1. Who knows, maybe the girl is doing it for the wrong reasons, reasons you should NOT go on a mission for. Even if that's the case, he needs to respect her agency. I understand his frustration. My husband was left for a mission THRICE, and his ex-roommates are still having similar experiences. Guess what boys? Other than the element of surprise, now you know what's it's like when a girl dates a preemie! Sure, it's kind of a bummer that they're leaving, but if you care about them that much, write them, and if you don't, YOU MOVE ON. There actually are plenty of fish in the sea, and apostles have discussed how there is no such thing as a soulmate.
2. I'm no feminist, but the way this guy talks about women sounds almost condescending, and I can't stand it. I guarantee that we women do not view ourselves as better than the young men.
3. Just because a girl is in a relationship does NOT mean it is her duty to abort the idea of a mission. Maybe it's not the right relationship, and she has a feeling it's not ending in marriage. Just because a girl is going on dates does NOT mean marriage is/should be on the near horizon. Honestly, a year and a half (especially now that girls can go at 19) will absolutely not lessen her odds of finding an eternal companion (unless you totally let yourself go because you're primping instead of using your allotted workout time, even though those members are feeding you all too well).

Basically, LADIES, if you're pursuing a mission for the right reason (to serve the Lord—NOT to run away from school or dating, NOT because anybody's pressuring you, NOT to post cute sister missionary pictures in your cute missionary outfits on what you thought would be almost like a vacation or a study abroad), and you aren't feeling prompted to pursue a relationship, don't let any marriage-hungry man like this one stand in your way.

Katie said...

Pretty much ditto to the above comment. Emilie said it well.

At 21, I was a single girl who went on plenty of dates and was even engaged at one point, but that doesn't change the fact that a mission was part of the Lord's plan for me. For that, I am very grateful.

Megan said...

Something that this guy fails to understand is that a mission is a decision you need to make with the Lord.

This is a decision that needs to be carefully thought through and prayed about.

If a girl decides to go on a mission, that's her choice, not yours.

What I am more worried about is being judged for not going on a mission and girls going on missions because they feel obligated to go.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the comment above sometimes it's a matter of the guys thinking that if she didn't go on a mission she must not be one of the good ones

Nancy said...

"If you're single and don't go out on lots of dates, then great, go."

Ouch, dude.

It's not like the majority of us choose to not date. I'm frankly sick of feeling like trying to get dates is just like pulling teeth, and having to plan everything, only to get stood up to boot.

And that is extremely frustrating, since I would very much like to have an eternal family and be a wife and mother.

And I've tried to go on a mission, since dating obviously wasn't happening, only to be told "No" every time.

So, it sounds like you are insinuating that girls like myself are unattractive, undesirable, and really have nothing else to do but to serve a mission.

Would you like some ketchup with that foot?