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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

She Waited . . . He Came Home . . . and . . .

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm a young single adult .

Right now, I'm preparing to go on mission and I'm seeking advice about forgiving someone that I used to know.

The story goes like this;

I met a guy (he’s a member) 2 years ago. we were together in a relationship for almost 1 year. Then he went on a mission.

He's really nice and I became close to his family.

I was expecting that when he came back from his mission that things would pick up where we left off, but now that he's back . . . what does surprises me and I feel like he made me wait for 2 years for nothing.

That makes me think that he really lied . . . that he has left me with broken promises.

The only words I heard from him when he got back "I'm sorry that I promised you those things; I was afraid to be alone on my mission."

It sucks that we see each other every Sunday in the same chapel even in the institute and at Stake Activities.

I am really hurt.  It's been 5 months since he broke up with me I still didn't talk with him because of the pain he gave me.

He wanted me to be friends with him because he doesn't wanted his image being a Returned Missionary and as one of the siblings of our stake president to get ruined.

It seems what he has done to me hasn't affected him at all . . . like he has no conscience.

From that terrible experienced I am afraid of getting married.

Now he has a new girlfriend from another ward.  It's really obvious from the pictures that I've seen. 

His new girlfriend added me in a social website and tried to asked me about our past.

So,  Bro Jo, what advice you can give to me?

- Shattered Dreams

Dear Shattered,

The best way to feel better about our own circumstances is to be of service to others.

And no experience will give you more service opportunities than a mission.

You both made mistakes, it's time to move on. And I think five months is long enough you should have already done that.

At least he was honest with you.

And you, dear sister, have learned some very valuable lessons.

I promise you'll recover from this.

Just do me one favor, when you hear other girls talking about "waiting" for a missionary, about not dating anyone else while he's gone, when you hear missionaries asking girls to wait for them, share your story.

Sometimes the "wait" works, but most of the time it doesn't.

- Bro Jo


Laura said...

It's not easy, but it is time to get over it.
I'll be blunt and to the point here: You are dwelling on the past. A past that can't be changed. You can't make him feel any different. But you CAN change how YOU feel. It's time to do good things for yourself. It's time to flirt with other guys. It's time to quit sitting in the past. It's time to stop thinking of him and his faults. Satan would have us stay in the past. Heavenly Father would have us progress. Simple as that. Do what it takes to get over him.
Obviously the guy was a mistake. And NOT the guy for you. Be better than that, and look for a guy who will not treat you as a fall-back option (what this guy did to you). Learn from the mistake, and take steps forward. Now that you've made mistakes, you can become better than you were before the mistakes.

I also feel the need to share this... for you or anyone in a similar situation.
If you still have things of his, letters, belongings, or pictures of him, get rid of them. I don't care how. Give them back, throw them away, whatever. By keeping sentimental things that remind you of someone you won't be spending eternity with, you are preventing yourself from being able to move on.

Anonymous said...

To forgive you must be willing to give something before you receive something. What he did was wrong. But how to you get beyond the wrong? I found this great mental exercise on the internet. Lay down and imagine yourself floating above your body and leave all your emotions about this betrayal down on the ground. As you float about your body what do you see? Him? Now try to name one redeemable thing about him. Hold on to that thought so the hate and sadness can leave. I held on to my happy thought for years. Then really think about how you played a part in this big mess. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made. This is the hardest part:) Then write a fake letter admitting your part and burn it. He never needs to see it because he does not care enough. When you can say I know my part and I can see his part then you will be ready to let it go. Pray for God to take all of it. When you are sick of thinking about him or sick of talking about him it is time to give it to God. Just like in conference, "someone has already paid the price" for this injustice. When you no longer need answers or an apology you are ready to forgive. Good luck! It is a process and don't give up if you stumble- the end result is worth the effort.

There is definitely someone more capable of loving you and appreciating your great worth.