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Monday, October 13, 2014

His Girlfriend Wants to Serve a Mission - Part 2

Dear Bro Jo,

We've been together for a while.

We have been talking about marriage as a "when" for about a month.

She said she wants to be married before her 21st Birthday (A year from next Friday).

She told me Sunday night last week.

She said she feels the spirit telling her to go.

I'm just torn about it.

I know there are other out there, but I don't want anyone else.

I love this girl.

I've dated a lot, had several Girlfriends, but THIS girl is almost make-believe like in how compatible we are.

Like I said, if she does go, I'll wait.

- Waiting

Dear Waiting,

No you won't.

And you shouldn't.

Just like it does when the roles are reversed, you'll need to date while she's gone and see what happens.


Could she be more obvious?!?!!

1) She's told you she wants to get married within the next year. (That can't happen if she's gone, bro.)

2) You've been talking about marriage for a while.

Dude, either she wants you to fight for her to stay, wants you to tell her that you can't live without her, wants reassurance that you're really going to get married (that means a ring and a date, my man) . . . or she's realized you're not the guy for her.

At least not right now.

Look, the prophets have been pretty clear, no young woman should postpone marriage for a mission; it's not required of girls the way it is of us.

So there's no way the Spirit is telling her go instead of marry you if the two of you would be a good eternal match.

This is no different for guys than it is for girls, a mission call is a break up.

When the person you're involved with puts in their mission papers, it's over.

You're supposed to go out there and date other people.

Choosing to "wait" for a couple weeks or months is one thing, but over a year is a mistake. You may miss too many opportunities, become a distraction to the missionary, and are making promises that, more often than not, don't work out.

Now maybe you'll still be single when she comes back, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll still feel the same about her after the mission, maybe you won't.

Maybe she'll still be interested then, maybe not.

But that's too many "maybes" to put your life on hold, or hers either.

By the way, Sister Jo says that this girl is subtly telling you that if you don't make a commitment (which she believes is what this girl wants you to do), she's out of here, and if that's not the case, then Sister Jo thinks that this girl is trying to tell you . . . well . . . it's over.

Either way, you either let her go with the understanding that, at least for now (and likely forever), this is the end, or you go for broke, beg her to stay, and actually propose.

Let the Spirit help you know which is the right move, but don't count on being able to have it both ways.

Talk to her.

Lay it on the line.

Whatever the result, you'll always regret it if you don't tell her how you feel.

Good luck, and let us know how the talk goes!

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

Thank you!! for putting this out there so obviously. It's kind of a trial for some of us girls that we just feel like we can't be the ones to lay everything out for the guy, but our best "more subtle" tactics of course don't work. This man needs to be the one to bring it up plainly. Yes, "guys hate the talk," but do it anyway! Being able to bring it up and make things progress one way or another is what makes the girl be able to really want to marry you!

Laura said...

^^^^^And that is called good, healthy communication.
The answer for almost every relationship dilemma.

Anonymous said...

AWAKE Young Men! If you like her tell her. If you love her make a plan. Honestly it is quite pathetic that his girlfriend is trying to manipulate a ring out of him. If she has a marriage offer she can consider it and pray about it but if there is no honest conversation then she only has a mission to consider. And girls the threat of a mission should never even cross your mind! Shame on her! Does she want to serve the Lord or serve herself? If she knows how he feels and they have talked honestly about marriage and his desire to marry her then I would just walk away. Manipulation is a dangerous game to play- some nice person always gets hurt. Of course if he enjoys manipulation then maybe they are right for each other.