He's Lost the Will to Serious Single Date - Part 2

Dear Bro Jo

Thanks Bro Jo for your reply.

I guess to start off with I'm a 24 years old RM.

I consider myself a pretty average guy with average looks. I am quiet and not to outgoing.

I grew up in a small town with not many girls my age.

I usually just kept to myself when I was younger.

Now that I am older I try to stay social and go to all YSA activities. I try to treat every girl like a princess.

I have not asked out a whole lot of girls not even close to your 50 suggested dates a year.

I have only ever asked out 6 girls.

Most of them I would not consider to be the popular girls that every guy wants to ask out.

I have asked out both girls that I was hoping would go somewhere and girls that I just wanted a friendly experience with.

To be honest half of the girls I asked out said yes to a date the other said no either they weren't interested or they were always busy when I asked.

Out of the 3 girls that said yes one of them I straight out asked if she would be interested in going out again sometime and she said no. I was not expecting anything to much she was just one the few girls I actually knew at the time.

Well attending school at BYU-I I Went on a group date with a bunch of friends to a movie.

After the movie my date said she was not feeling good and wanted go home. The rest of the group went to have ice cream after the movie.

This was the only time I had a girl go home from a date even though I know the first message I said girls.

Now for the girl that said no when I didn't ask. There was a girl I kind of like and I thought she kind of liked me to. I never asked her out because I was kind of tired with this dating thing and I only wanted friends. I thought we were pretty good friends but she started to ignore me and I got frustrated and posted on Facebook how I hate it when girls ignore me.

She was quick to text and apologized for ignoring me and told me she just didn't want lead me on and all she wanted was friends.

I told her I was fine with that and I was not trying to be anything more than a friend.

She continued to ignore me after that.

I just feel like girls are not interested in me for anything more than friends.

I would define success in knowing that someone actually had some sort of romantic interest in me.

Maybe someone that would actually go on a second date because they wanted to.

I feel like I have not been successful because every girl I have asked out even if they said yes to a date I felt like they made it clear they didn't want to go on a second one.

I don't feel successful because the girls that I thought were interested in me straight up told me they are not.

Over all I stopped carrying and I have never been happier.

But what has me frustrated now is there is a girl that I like and she has done a few things to make me think she might like me.

The biggest thing is just a little while ago she went out of her way to come talk to me and she got really close and brushed her arm against me and not just like a bump into you but she held it there for a while.

The thing that frustrates me is if I text her thanking her for her lesson at Church or something like that she will reply but if I actually ask her a question when I text her she ignores it.

I just feel like girls act like they care sometimes just to get a reaction and build their self-esteem while it is tearing apart the self-esteem of others.

Thank you again for your help.

- Dateless




Dear Dateless,

I'm sorry, but clearly you need a little tough love in your life.

You've come to the right place, my man.

1. You don't have nearly enough dating experience to claim to be "tired" of anything. Less drama, please. 

And less whining. 

Dude, I dated 65 different girls before I started dating the one I was fortunate enough to marry, and I was dumped by more than half of them. 

I had one girl breakup with me on our anniversary, another dis me because she wanted to date my best friend (they had actually been making out for a week before she told me), one girl stood me up and then I never saw her again (she quit where we worked, never took my calls again, and told her mother to send me away when I went to her house), and another break up with me one night, say she wanted to get back together the next morning, and then dump me again after smooching for a while.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. 

So don't come at me with your "one girl who you never dated said she just wants to be friends", "one girl got sick and asked to be taken home", and "no success after dating a whopping 6 girls" throwing your hands up and ready to quit dating altogether.

Brother, you can't quit a race you've never run.

2. Stop posting your frustrations about dating and girls on Facebook. I can't think of anything more pathetic. 

 3. Put down your freakin' cell phone. 

Stop texting women and start talking to them.

In person!

Seriously.

There's no excuse for a guy at BYU-Idaho not to have a date every weekend.

I've been on that campus many times. I've got more emails than I can count from great girls who would love to be asked out by guys just like you.

Well . . . the less whiny version of you. 

Also: when one comes back from a mission, a Group Date is not a date anymore . . . it's a Hang Out. 

Or an "activity".

Until you're in a relationship, no more hanging out.

Forget about looks.

Forget about what everyone else thinks, says and does.

The world is full of great girls your age, LDS and Single, who want to go out.

Stop thinking that you have to know someone super well before you ask them out.

Getting to know someone is what those first few dates are for!

Make up for lost time.

Get a date for tonight.

And plan one for tomorrow.

During the Christmas holiday you should have - at least - six dates.

And don't be lame.

Plan.

Spend some dough.

Go up to a nice single girl (I'm sure you know tons of them, but even if you ask a stranger that's okay) and ask her if she'd like to go to the new movie tonight.

Then go up to another girl (in person, no texting!) and ask her out to lunch for Saturday.

Then find another girl to take to dinner.

When you've got more experience you'll know whether a brush up against the arm means anything or not.

No excuses.

Just get out there, man!

- Bro Jo