Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (with occasional additional posts, too).

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Bro Jo is not a spokesman or authority for the LDS Church. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at dearbrojo@gmail.com.

Monday, November 17, 2014

How Do You Transition from In-Class Flirting to Getting Asked Out?

Dear Bro Jo,

First of all, thank you so much for your blog and all the answers you give. I really like how blunt and to the point they are. So thank you!

Okay. There's this guy in my class and he's been coming to sit next to me since just before the middle of the semester. I hadn't really noticed him until he sat next to me one day and started talking to me.

Now, I'm really shy and I don't feel like I've been able to be myself around him and talk a lot, of course we are in a classroom setting so I don't like talking much in class anyway.

But he talks a lot.

The very first thing he started talking about is how 18 year olds don't have much life experience and that actually made me pretty mad. I went home to my roommates and told them that I really didn't like this guy because he seemed like a jerk.

Then he sat next to me the next class.

I was really confused because he would sit by me and talk to me all class and just leave at the end of class without saying anything.

I thought that was a little weird, but I didn't say anything about it.

Then one class he started telling me how to show a guy that I want him to take me on a date and he said touch is a great indicator that I want a guy to ask me on a date.

Then he started walking out of class right in front of me but he wouldn't say anything and he would kind of walk a couple feet away and just barely in front of me if that makes any sense.

And that continued.

Then he started walking out with me and held the door open and would make small talk.

I actually can't believe he still sits next to me because I'm not the most talkative person around him which is weird because usually I've warmed up to people once we've talked for a while.

I told him that I'd be living in the area for this next semester which is my off track and he seemed pretty interested and excited that I would still be around.

So anyways . . . we have had about three quizzes in this class and our teacher lets us take them with a person in the class if we want and I usually take it with my roommate because she has the class the hour before me . . . but this time when the teacher told us we could take the test with someone else, the guy that always sits next to me asked if I wanted to take the quiz with him (this is the last quiz of the semester) and I said sure so he handed me his phone so I could put my number in it.

So we planned a day and he said he would text me when he's done with classes.

We're taking the test tomorrow and I'm honestly dreading the fact that he's coming over to my apartment.

I don't really know why.

I like him when I'm around him but sometimes it's like I start to second guess myself.

He's a really awesome guy and I just don't feel like I'm good enough to even be his friend!

I'm praying that I can be more myself around him because I feel like he doesn't know the real me and I'm worried that once he does he's not going to like that.

I don't really know how to feel and I don't know if I should worry about it.

But a lot of people have said that they think they like me but I'm not sure.

What should I do?

- Flirting




Dear Flirting,

I think you should put him on the spot.

We often aren't communicating as well as we think we are, and I think that's the case with this guy. 


Quick story.

At one point in high school I started eating lunch in the library. For reasons I don't remember it had occurred to me that rather than going home to a mountain of homework every day I could do some of it in the library during lunch.

This was during a particularly cocky period in my life (neither Sister Jo nor I can figure out why), so one afternoon when I went in there I saw this really cute girl sitting by herself at a big table, so NATURALLY I sat next to her and we started talking.

We were getting along great and I was seriously thinking of asking her out on a date.

For reasons I regretted for a very long time afterwards I thought I could ingratiate myself to her by putting down the cheerleaders at our school.

I think that in my ignorance I figured that since she was in the library that she was probably one of those more "studious girls" at our school that hated the cheer squad. (The Jo Girl who's currently a 4.0 student and a cheerleader loves to roll her eyes and get indignant and hurt whenever I tell this story.)

You guessed it: that was the end of the flirting and any date hopes I'd had with this girl.

Not only was she a varsity cheerleader, so were all of her friends.

(Ever wonder why I keep telling y'all that boys are dumb?)


Anyway, the point is that, intentional or not, this guy is clearly giving you signals that he's hoping you'll tell him it's okay to ask you out.

I say "do him the favor"; touch him on the arm and say "so, when you said that girls are supposed to touch guys to let them know that they should ask them out, is this what you had in mind?"

His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Yeah, he may start sitting somewhere else, but he may also be grateful that you picked up on all of his, albeit not very smooth, hinting.

Let me know how it goes!

-Bro Jo

No comments: