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Friday, February 13, 2015

Only Right for Mr. Wrong (Why are LDS Guys so Clueless about Dating?)

Dear Bro Jo,

I am an 18 year old temple-worthy sister sophomore in college, active in my YSA, and maybe preparing for a mission in 9 months or more.

I try to be friendly to those around me, especially the boys/men I meet through the college and singles ward.

Here's the problem: The only men who make an effort for me (texting/calling me, initiating conversations, ask me out, etc.) are not LDS.

I have several male LDS friends who just won't man up and take the hint. One, who is my brother-in-law's nephew, has agreed to set up a double date for me, but this was after I brought up the idea and asked him to participate.

I have a few female friends, and I encourage my male friends to ask them out-- and they do. But they don't apply reverse reasoning and realize that I, too, could be dated, nor do my female friends reciprocate encourage the RMs to ask me out, although I have asked them to.

They are supportive in other ways, but not this one.

Maybe, you say, the men don't know I want to date... But they do. I've written articles for the college newspaper for boys that clearly states that I--and all girls-- like to be dated.

Many of my male friends have seen that article (I gave it to them...) and know that I am single, friendly, and ready-to-date.

I'm available.

Since I don't want to be too available (desperate, and seem unliked by men universally as opposed to unliked by temple-worthy, priesthood-bearing men), I try to date often.

Since no LDS guys are asking me out, I only [casual] date (for the last 5 months at least) non-LDS guys.

It is so frustrating because I feel deeply for one young man I am [casual] dating, but he is not interested in the CHURCH. I am particularly interested in one RM, whose testimony I deeply respect and knows that I am interested but he is not interested in ME.

In the single's ward-- I am friendly, I go to activities, I flirt and I smile but I never get asked out.

When I go to college activities, I flirt and I smile and the men come running-- nonLDS men, at least. I begin to feel that being interested in the church and interested in me are mutually exclusive.

I know that is not rational and will [probably] not always be the case, but I need some encouragement.

To simplify this situation, let's apply some logic: I will marry in the temple I will marry who I date I date non-temple worthy men I will marry non-temple worthy men I will not marry in the temple. OR I will marry in the temple. I marry who I date. I date no one I will marry no one I will die alone with 72 cats.

Unless I can convert a non-member to the Church, or convert an RM to me, my future feels a little bleak.

I know I'm young and have time, but I need a way to make things change.

In any case, why are LDS men so slow on the dating uptake?

Every other guy I know moves quickly, it's just the LDS ones--who can give me what I want (Temple Marriage) who aren't giving me what I want now (dates)--that are being so slow.

I am inviting the non-LDS men I know to church activities and meetings with high hopes-- I am going to an Institute dance tonight with one of those men. Is there anything I am missing?

Can you give me some encouragement and guidance?


- Wrong for Mr Right, and Right for Mr Wrong

Dear Wrong,

First of all, you're only 18 ... I think you're being a little too premature and a lot over dramatic.

Like you've said, you're planning on a mission in less than a year, so what's the point in,and why the stress over, finding a serious relationship right now?

Has it occurred to you that maybe the reason Temple Guy hasn't found you yet is because now is not the time???

Mission or not, as a Single LDS Adult, dating anyone not of your faith is, IMHO, a waste of time.

I appreciate the humor of your "logic" strings, let me offer my own: 18-year old LDS YSA Sister Wants to get married in the Temple for Time and All Eternity to a Good, Worthy, Hardworking Priesthood Holder She widens her circle of friends, but only goes on dates with men who meet the above criteria

As time passes she may or may not go on a mission She holds true to her standards, regardless of how difficult that may be

She stays positive, prays often and serves others the best she can On Heavenly Father's Timetable, not her own,

She marries a Good Eternal Companion They Live Happily Forever After And there you go.

Candidly, Little Sister, I invite you to consider this: it seems to me that you're living your life through a lot of assumptions.

No one can read minds.

Hints, articles, wishing by a well . . . none of that is nearly as effective as "hey, I think you need to ask me out on a date!"

Let me leave you with one last thought: Good Guys often shy away from girls they think are shopping for a different kind of guy than the one they are.

- Bro Jo

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