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Friday, February 20, 2015

Unwanted Attention from an Older Man

Dear Bro Jo,


So I'm 18 years old and I started going to my local YSA ward about two months ago now.

I'm loving it!

I've made some wonderful friends and have been able to serve both as one of the ward organists and on the Family Home Evening committee.

It's so fun to be involved and socialize with people my own age. Having lessons geared more toward my age group is wonderful for my spirituality, too (In my family ward, Relief Society lessons always ended up talking about people's grand kids...a little hard to relate to for me).

All in all, it's been a wonderful experience so far.

I've gotten to know some great guys, too.

There's this one in particular that seems pretty interested in me.

In our very first conversation, we were making small talk and I asked him what he's doing in life.

He talked about his job, his research for his master's degree, "and I'm just looking for a wife, someone to make an eternal family with, you know?"

We've talked before/after meetings since then, and he's invited me to an party one of his friends was having, which I had to turn down since I was working that night.

He seems to be a perfectly nice guy, I'm just not attracted to him.

He's 28 and about to graduate from grad school. I'm 18 and finishing up my freshman year of college.

We have completely different interests, not much in common at all.

And honestly, the mention of marriage so early kinda creeped me out.

Also, he is known in the ward as the guy that hits on all the new girls.

So what I want to know is if I have an obligation to give this guy a chance.

If he's a notorious flirt, how should I interpret his attentions?

And how can I (preferably nicely) get him to stop flirting with me?


- Young Single Lady

Dear Young,

No, you're not obligated to give this guy a chance.

If he were six years younger I might have a different answer, but at only 18 you're too young for him at 28.

Consider this: there are millions of great single guys in the Church there's no way you should be attracted to all of them. I might not be the right person to ask about "nice".

I think if he asks you out you should tell him that you're flattered but he's just way too old for you.

If you want to be nice, suggest a few of the a few sisters much closer to his age (there are tons of them) that he can ask out.

I bet they'd be willing to go, too.

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

Please remind me what should be a dating range for a freshman girl in college?

Anonymous said...

By "older man" it sounds as if he's in his 40's or 50's. 28 is older than 18 but it isn't "old". If I were the girl I would simply reject him like I would any other guy. Suggesting older girls for him to date adds insult to injury; he probably knows those other girls, yet he's interested in the girl he's asking out. Age differentials are issues to some people but not to others (even if it is 10 girlfriend is 9 years younger than me), so just reject him like you would a guy closer to your age: "Sorry, I'm not interested." Short and sweet.

Anonymous said...

You guys have never heard of the half your age plus 7 rule?
So basically since I'm 20 for example half my age would be 10, then add 7 to make 17. 17 would be the lowest acceptable I could date, but even then thats way too low for my liking personally. . .

Anonymous said...

Who made up the "half plus 7 rule"? And who has an age dating difference have to be acceptable to? Whatever the age difference is beyond 2 years, there will always be people that'll be against it, some will be for it, and others won't care. You can't go around dating certain ages in order to please others' opinions on age difference. Age difference also depends on the girl. It's funny to be in online dating and see a 20 year old who claims she's open to dating guys that are 20-28 years old, and then you see a 24 year old girl who's only willing to date 23-26 year olds. Different girls are open to different ages, and you should consider the opinion of the girl you like more than you should consider the opinion of third parties.