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Monday, February 9, 2015

Why Won't This RM Commit?

Dear Bro Jo,

I have been following you for quite some time with my two sisters. You have given me advice once before, perhaps you will be happy to know that your advice was great!

It got me several dates! Particularly with one guy, whom we will call Ryan.

We met at New Student Orientation at College last fall and we hit it off.

We both really liked each other and he is a Returned Missionary.

We went out on our first date the first week of school and continued to go on a date every weekend for the next month and a half until he pulled away because several people thought we were married on our 2nd date.

We ended up getting in a fight because of this.

He took another girl to the end of semester dance and then during Christmas break he told me via Facebook that he wanted a second chance.

We went out one more time, this time the morning before I left for my Great Grandma's Funeral.

I was heading home from the Funeral when he texted me to tell me that he wants to see other girls while still seeing me.

Then just before Valentine's he informed me that he was going to ask me to be his Girlfriend but decided not to because I was not going on a mission...

Serving a mission was always my dream and he knew that, he also knew that the reason I'm not serving is because of my health. however this was the reason he gave for not dating me anymore.

I was in the hospital less than two months later and he visited me, making me emotionally unstable because I still really liked him.

He dated my Best Friend after I came home for health reasons and then when he found out she had feelings for him he pulled away and they are no longer friends.

He still wants to be my friend and I have no idea how to handle it because he hurt me.

He's just not ready for a commitment.

I get that, but being friends with him makes me sad.

It's hard to get over my feelings for him when we live in the same city, go to the same small school, studying the same major and he insists on being friends like nothing ever happened.

I don't know how to tell him that being friends with him is too hard for me.

Any advice or tips you can give me?

It would be greatly appreciated!

One last thing, Social Media is not a very good way for a guy to ask out or break up with a girl and Vice Verse.

That is something I think everyone should know if you feel like sharing it.


- Confused

Dear Confused,

You're absolutely right about "breaking up via social media"; it's not a good way to get dates, either. 

What a coward.


Not you.

Of course.

And therein is my advice: Cut Bait and Move On.

As you know from reading my posts, I don't believe he wants to "remain friends"; I think he may be saying that partly out of guilt, but mostly to keep you on the Reserve List while he dates around looking for "something better".

Add to that his being a manipulator, and I think it's time you stop spending time on this guy.

You're worth more than that.

And if he can't see that . . . if he doesn't realize that you're the best girl he could ever hope to marry . . . well, then . . . he's not smart enough to be your boyfriend.

Cut him off.

And if he whines about that, and I think he will, be sure to give him the "I'm not your consolation prize" speech.

If he ever clues in I hope you'll make him beg for another chance; and if you give it to him, be sure he knows that this is the last one.


In the meantime, go use those Get A Date skills (glad they worked for you, by the way) and get some new dates!


- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

I did as you said, I told him that being friends was not working for me.

Then I deleted him as a friend on Facebook and deleted his number from my phone as a way to remind myself to move on.

In a way the short friendship I had with him made me realize what I want in a guy and has brought me a step closer to one day finding my Eternal Companion.

Oh and Just as you predicted, he did complain,

He tried telling me we could still be friends but I pointblank told him that we can't be friends anymore because it was not working for me and right after I hung up I was actually happy that the frustration of that friendship was gone, behind me.

I figure that in the fall I will be polite and think of him as an acquaintance, especially if we have a few classes together since we are both studying medical assisting, but I wouldn't go so far as to hanging out with him again.


Thank you for your Advice, it really helps me!


- Confused.

Dear Confused,

Good for you!

- Bro Jo

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