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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Telling Her You Like Her - Part 1 of 2

Dear Bro Jo,

 I just started reading your blog today as you were suggested by a cousin of mine.

I am happy that you give frank answers and not straight reference answers as that's what I need.

So I have a couple of questions:

1. Is going to the temple with just a girl , no one else, a date (both if you are interested in them or not) and is it wise?



This one might be lengthier. I am 17 (18 in a month) just graduated out of high school and will be attending the Y in the fall.

In the last two weeks of high school I started spending more time with this girl (shes 18) I had met earlier in the year. (life is full of irony, I wait two years of high school to find a girl that actually maybe likes me and it happens in the last two weeks)

We've been texting and emailing a lot (I'm currently out of the country and only have WiFi) and been on one maybe two (depending on your answer to number 1) dates.

I believe that we both like each other by the way she acts and talks, things like I miss you at the end of emails( but I may be reading too much into it). so I guess this is going to be a couple of questions:

2A)  Is the best way to find out if she likes me to just ask?

I think assumptions lead to trouble, tell me if I'm wrong.


2B)  Both of us are planning on going on missions, but is it too late/early to be starting a relationship?

(I do not plan to ask her to wait while I'm on my mission as I see it as cruel to deprive her of a social life)


3:  Continuing from 2B is there such a thing as a non-exclusive relationship where both are dating the same person quite frequently but sprinkling other people in as well, and if there is such a thing, is it wise in my situation?


4:  My parents do not go on dates with each other and rarely show anything that suggests they love each other, my dad tries (though he was in a motorcycle accident 14 years ago and has a brain injury which means my mom is dominant) but he tends to normally just try in gifts kind of a thing, is there anyway that I can help my parents besides praying for them?


5:  Did the rules of dating change because I left high school or for young men is it the same rules till after your mission?


Sorry that turned out to be a lot more questions than I thought.

I'm kind of at a point that I feel like my parents are against me dating much (for a lot of high school I felt like I could only date people my mom knew because then she'd approve) and I feel very controlled.

I want to choose the best choice here but also have fun, the Lord is counting on me to go on a mission, and I don't want to put myself in a position that will in the future lead me into a spiritually dangerous situation.

Thank you for your help.

I'm sorry if I rambled and I totally left untied pieces.


I may be totally making things way harder than they are but I just felt like I needed to talk to someone.


- Y




Dear Y,

Welcome, and thanks for reading "Dear Bro Jo".

1. Yes, it's a date. And no, it's not a good idea to take a date to the Temple unless it's your wife. 

2A). It's a good way. A better way is to tell her you like her and pray she responds. As great as she may be, now is not the right time for a girlfriend, mi amigo, so I don't think you should sweat it right now. If you want my opinion, and I'm guessing you do, yeah bud, I think she likes you.

2B). No, I don't think you should ask. Girlfriends are best saved for post mission. See above.

3. Yes, it's called "Casual Group Dating". You can stick to the Rules but still date one girl more than the others. I happen to think that's okay.

Hey, I'm old, but I'm not an idiot. I get that Guys and Girls tend to pair off. I understand it, and I understand why. (Not only am I a guy who still remembers what it's like to be a teen, but I've got a house full of teens, too.)

It's just not a good idea.

4. I think kids should stay out of their parent's love lives. He loves her. She knows. If you want to do something cool for them, get together with your siblings and give them a night out. Buy them some movie tickets and a gift certificate to dinner. If there's a lot of you who can chip in and grandma can come stay for the night or weekend, spring for a hotel room.

5. Same rules until you come home, my brother. Casual Group Dating is all you should do. Stick to that plan, and you'll be grateful you did. Keep dating. Once a month minimum is my recommendation.

Then, when you come back Elder, once a week.

Minimum.

You didn't ramble, and I like the numbers.

Very organized.

Good to talk to you.

Send an email whenever you feel like it.

And tell your cousin "thanks" for me. 

Best,

- Bro Jo

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