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Monday, May 25, 2015

How Can a Girl Get Guy Friends? (And should she?)

Dear Bro. Jo,

Hello, I love your advice!

I am a 16-year-old active LDS girl. I am also a varsity cheerleader and AP student.

Now, your natural stereotype would be that I would get guys easily.

Sadly, no. I turned sixteen a few months ago and have yet to have a date.

I am smarter than the A-typical cheerleader, and I take hard classes. I wonder sometimes if that's one reason. Guys don't tend to like smart girls.

However, in looks, I feel I am perfectly equivalent to the majority of the cheerleaders and I am simply very confused why I am universally not appreciated by guys.

Granted, I have yet to try your advice on how to get a guy to ask you out, because I am slightly shy.

Not completely.

I talk to most people very willingly.

I went to a more private-like school in my youth, and was basically very exposed when I went to high school.

I have never had any "guy friends"; in fact, I still don't.

So, question: How do I get guy friends?

How then do I get these guys to ask me out?

Thank you,

- June Bug

Dear June,


I'm not sure what you mean by "get guys" . . . (sigh) but I think you need to stop looking to their attraction (or lack thereof) to you as a sign of your value or appreciation.

You're shy.

They're shy.

Everyone's shy . . .

Your goal here, IMHO, should not be to "get guy friends", but to learn how to talk to guys.

Those are very different things.

The first one leads to guys telling you about all of their other girl interests and ignoring you, their "pal".

The second is a valuable communication skill that will help you in school, mission (if that's for you), marriage, and life in general.

See, if you focus on talking to guys, asking them about them, and (this is the big one) LISTENING, then you're on the right path.

Friends hang out. You don't want to do that.

Potential Dates are nice and require effort. That you want.

If you're not sure where to start, throw a video party or game night. Invite tons of Guys AND Girls. 

Check out Bro Jo's LIST of FLIRTING DO'S and DON'TS for ALL AGES found in this post: 


And then, when you're ready and if it's needed, put those "How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her on a Date" tips to work.

Oh, and one more thing: if you go all through High School and end up going on few, or even zero, dates, please understand that happens to lots of girls who are pretty and smart and talented and fun.

It happens because boys are scared and dumb and, more importantly, not well trained by parents and leaders.

And, if it's any consolation, Sister Jo didn't date much in High School, either . . . which as we all know worked out pretty well for me!

- Bro Jo

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