Dear Bro Jo,
I am currently a sophomore at college. I really like school, but I am having insecurities about dating.
A little about my dating history.
In high school I dated a nonmember for two years. I've been on single dates with three other boys, two members, one not.
And just a month ago I was in a very short relationship with a boy who had fallen away from the Church.
I ended up breaking things off after he told me about something in his past that was too big to overlook without his repentance, which he has no plans to do.
Even though it was a short relationship and I was the one who broke things off, I still was heartbroken over the situation.
It's been a month and I am doing a lot better, like 99% over it, but I still have hard feelings towards him.
One problem is that we have tried to remain friends since we have the same group of friends, so every time I think I'm over that 1%, he'll do something that keeps me hanging on to it. And he seems to do things to make me upset or get emotional responses from me.
Anyways, the thing I'm most worried about is getting into another relationship, whether it be next week or next year.
The two actual relationships have left me....cautious of another one.
It took me well over half a year to get over the first break up and it's taken me around a month to get over the more recent one, and I'm not sure I'm all the way over it yet.
I'm scared of getting into a relationship and having it crash and burn again.
I am a person who feels things very deeply, so the thought of another broken heart terrifies me.
I'm also worried about another nonmember asking me out. I have a general rule to say yes to at least one date to anyone who asks me out (there are exceptions, of course, like if he's giving off major creeper vibes) but I don't want to go out with a nonmember and develop deep feelings for them.
At the same time I don't want to hurt their feelings.
And there's also the fact that the university I'm attending has a 3:1 ratio of boys to girls, so getting asked out is a rare commodity.
I know this is a lot of information, but it's all been weighing on me for a while. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
- Name Withheld
Dear Little Sister,
You're in luck!
God invented this thing called "agency"; it's really cool!
See, because of agency you don't have to go out with anyone you shouldn't.
That means that as a Serious Single Dater any guy who is not currently in the position to someday marry you in the Temple (all we're talking about is worthiness here) is someone you shouldn't date.
It's a waste of your time.
Other than that, I agree with your "ever guy deserves a shot" dating policy.
It's okay to be afraid of getting your heart broken again, and it's very normal to not like how it feels.
It is not okay to let those fears and feelings control your life or keep you from happiness . . . especially the eternal kind.
Every relationship you get into will result in some kind of hear break for at least one of you until you marry a great eternal companion.
Even then, as Sister Jo can testify, every day is not going to be sunshine and roses.
When we're struggling most in life, whatever the reason (and break ups are a good one), like Sister Jo says, nothing helps us feel better than being of selfless service.
Hang in there!
Despite the pain and frustration, the positives of a great eternal marriage are worth all of the work and struggles you have to go through now.
Best,
- Bro Jo
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