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Friday, May 6, 2016

Does He Still Love His Ex?

Dear Bro Jo,

I am so glad I found this blog!  Thank You.

I am just finishing my second semester here at college and I have met a wonderful man who makes me laugh and when I’m around him I can be myself and that is rare. He is kind, sweet, funny, outgoing, and when I’m around him my heart skips a beat all that cheesy stuff.

I am a recent convert to the Church and really am trying to find the guy to be with for eternity. But here is the catch, he is my roommate's friend from back home were she lives, and she told me that he once had a crush on her back then and he told me that she had a crush on him.

I was worried and asked them if they still had feelings for each other, but both said no.

She said "I’m sure he doesn't like me I mean I think he likes you". and he tells me "I don't think she’s over me".

My roommate is on her phone and is always telling me what he texts her and a lot is confusing me.

He asks her “hey tell me you love me” or “hey I missed you did you miss me”, and so forth. I even asked her if she still has feelings for him she says no that her missionary is coming home and she really likes him.

I ask him and he's like "no I don’t I’m just teasing her".

He never tells me what he tells her.  I mean I don’t want to go to the "I love you thing" yet since were still getting to know each other and I am headed home until Fall, but I’m not convinced.

Am I over reacting?  What should I do?

It bothers me when he texts her those things, and it irritates me when she tells me and asks me how do you feel when he says that.

What can I do?

I don't like getting mad or starting things . . .  I mean I’m headed home soon and a lot can change here on out . . . but . . . my feelings for him. . .

I really like him and feel deep down he is the one.

- Confused and Feel Like I’m Overreacting




Dear Friend,

Please help me help you.

Are you dating this man?

- Bro Jo 




Dear Bro Jo,

Currently yes we are dating.

- Friend




Dear Friend,

So . . . you're in a relationship with a guy who keeps talking about how he's sure a girl that's from his home town still likes him and he keeps flirting with her, texting her, and trying to get her to confess that she still likes him?

Have you confronted him?

- Bro Jo 




Dear Bro Jo,

Yes I have and he keeps telling me that there just friends and nothings going on between them that he is just teasing her.

That he likes me and I have asked him if he would please stop but it hasn’t.

He told me not to worry that he likes me and only me.

- Friend,




Dear Friend,

I'm sorry to have to say this, but I think you need to break up with this guy.

Whether he calls it "teasing" or not, he's clearly flirting with her, and he may say that he's not leading her on . . . but he is.

And more than that, his exhibiting behavior that is hurting you, you've asked him to stop, and he says no . . . and THAT, little sister, is a Huge Red Flag.

See, he cares more about his selfish behavior and getting attention from her than he does about you; that level of immaturity is a recipe for disaster.

I wouldn't burn the bridge here, but I think you need to tell him that it's over.

Keep your talk with him simple and short.

"I am looking for a man who's only interested in me, who puts my feeling above his desires, and as much as I like you . . . and as much as you say you like me . . . you're clearly not ready for that yet. You're a great guy, I've really enjoyed our time together, and I wish our relationship was the kind that could progress to the next level . . . but it's not. As hard as this is for me, I think it's best for both of us if we stop seeing each other." 

And then, I suggest, you just be quiet.

No further explanations.

Don't give in to his begging, or arguments or protests.

(If you're worried that he might be violent or scary, have a friend nearby or talk to him in a public place. Definitely do not have this talk when you're alone at his home or yours.) 


Have the talk soon.

Perhaps the pain of losing you will inspire him to be a better person.

Perhaps he'll one day come back to you more of a man and less of a boy . . . one who's ready for a real commitment.

And maybe, just maybe you'll care to give it another shot.

But, until then my friend, you owe it to yourself to be free to find a guy that will put you before himself, that will put you before another woman.

A guy who will do that will respect you.

This guy does not.

And the adage is true: "no one loves anyone they don't respect".

Let me know how it goes.

- Bro Jo 




Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you!

And I will let you know soon.

This helped a lot.

Thank you,

- Friend

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