What Is Her Relationship Status?

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm currently a senior in high school, and I'm having dating struggles.

Not overly original, I know, but things get more complicated.

Although I live in Mormon-ville Utah, dates are very few and far between.

School dances get a decent enough turnout, but that seems to be the entire dating scene, and I personally despise dances because crowds, loud music I don't like, and the crazy lighting make for an atmosphere I prefer to avoid.

Thus, I have gone on a total of 3 dates (technically 4, but one kind of just happened, so I won't include it in this intentional count) my entire dating career.

Two of those three dates have been with the same person (let's call him John), and the accidental date was with John as well.

The date proportion on his end is about the same, and these dates have been spread out with months in-between.

We've been good friends since second grade, so we're both just really comfortable with each other and just end up on dates with each other because we're both somewhat socially awkward and our main friend group includes me as the lone female and a bunch of nerdy guys ("nerdy guys" meaning they share an extreme love of video games and the occasional lack of personal hygiene) and their various girlfriends, depending on their relationship status. (Generally single, but often not.) John and I are both in agreement that people shouldn't steady date in high school since guys are going to leave on missions.

This topic came up because of seminary class, it wasn't brought up between us of our own accord.

We generally avoid these topics as they apply to us, for no discernible reason.

Of my few female friends, they firmly believe that John and I are destined to be wed after he comes home from his mission.

He's even ended up choosing to go to the same college that I'm planning to attend. I'm kind of indifferent, since the situation can be easily ignored until after John comes back from his mission, so I mostly do.

John would make a great boyfriend, but it's not an option right now and I have no idea how he feels about that, nor do I want to bring it up since that would ruin the whole "ignoring it" bit.

But these questions will not quiet entirely, so I will as your expert opinion on a few of the matters.

1, Do you think he has any idea that this dilemma even exists?

2, Do you think we may be perceived as bf/gf?

3, If so, how do I fix that? Thanks for the advice. I anxiously await your sage advice.

- Confused on Relationship Status




Dear Confused,

1. Maybe. He may not see it with the drama you do, he may be totally oblivious (rather by accident or choice) as most guys are, or he may be concerned that this is something that might be nice, but that (agreeing with you) now is not the right time. If it's something you really want to know you could ask him . . . but I wouldn't recommend it. I just don't see the point in having the conversation.

2. Likely by some people. People LOVE to conjecture about relationships . . . especially teen girls.

3. Don't do anything. People's assumptions are their problem, not yours. Attacking the rumors tends to spread them, not make them go away.

Sadly in today's culture where guys don't date much (often because girls have created a scenario where they don't have to and parents have failed to train their sons) four dates is pretty darned good.

I hope more dates come your way. But if they don't that is in no way a commentary on your awesomeness! 

(Sister Jo, who is and always has been AMAZING hardly dated at all in High School. Worked out very well for me that so many guys that grew up with her were so dumb.)

- Bro Jo