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Friday, August 26, 2016

Age Gaps: 19 and 30?

Dear Bro Jo,


I haven't read or followed your blog very much. I have a question though.

I met a person and am starting to like him a lot. I am still getting to know him.

He is extremely smart and put together.

He served a mission.

He is working on his masters and teaches dance, tai chi, and fencing classes.

The only thing is he is quite a lot older.... He is 30.

I am just 19.

Is that terrible?

All the guys I meet closer to my age are very desperate and more attached to the idea of a girl and not me.

Help please!!

- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

You can search the blog site for different topics, and there are Tags on the Left Hand Side that will take you directly to a list of more frequently asked questions.

You may want to check out the one that says "Age Differences".

In general I think 19 and 30 is pretty far apart . . . I typically don't recommend it.

It can work, but it depends on the individual people.

Dating is about discovering who we are and what's important to us in a companion.

 As you date this man you'll learn more about him . . . and about yourself.

For now I say "Be Open", but "Be Cautious".

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think Bro Jo's response is a fair way to go about it. I'm a 29 year old guy and single. Many girls in the area and my YSA ward are 18-23. I've gone on dates with different ages and see that age doesn't automatically determine maturity and compatibility, so it shouldn't be an automatic deal breaker. If I'm 30 and mutually fall in love with a 19 year old, then I'll give it a shot and see what happens. However, age can factor into different life stages which can lead to having different expectations. Whereas I may want a girlfriend now, a much younger girl may want to date around a little bit more and see what her options are (after all she IS young and cute, with lots of guys closer to her age potentially interested). I may want marriage sooner than later, but a much younger girl may want to get a feel for what it's like to live on her own away from home for some time, and maybe find herself a little bit with what she wants to study before "getting attached." While I have friends, I'm not driven to be as social as a younger girl who may want to go out and about and be at many activities with a larger circle of friends. These are generalizations but I think you get the idea.

I find myself wanting to be more of a protector and provider to a younger girl on dates. Subconsciously, paying for a 19 year old's dinner comes more with a good feeling to me than it would to pay for an older girl's food. Maybe the younger girls just tend to show a little more appreciation for compliments and for guys doing things for them, considering that maybe they haven't been treated to as many things as older girls who have been available to date a bit longer. There's just something to a younger girl's smile directed at me that makes me feel really good about myself that is hard to replicate. Maybe it comes from not having been comfortable dating much when I was closer to their age, that now it's like getting a second chance when I know a bit more. However, even then, it's worth considering potential challenges that a larger age gap can bring and be realistic about those. As fun as it's been to date younger girls, I'm still open to a girls in their mid to late 20's if I can find available ones and we're mutually interested in each other.

As you date that guy, give it a shot, but do be aware of potential differences that can come about or any potential rare flags, as there CAN be cases of large age gaps where one person may want to take advantage of the other. That really isn't worth it.