Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published several times a month.

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "Dear Bro Jo" is not an LDS Church website. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at

Monday, August 15, 2016

Boy Problems

Dear Bro Jo,


I'd really like some advice about a boy I know, and I'm at a current point where I don't feel comfortable opening up to my parents about it, so here is my story.  (Sorry that it is so lengthy!).

I started high school this year and in that school, there are a mixture of 2 elementary schools literally down the road, and I happened to go to the smaller, French immersion one, and when we registered we had the choice to go into Extended French which is immersion or just regular.

I chose the regular as I am terrible at French and all my best friends and the majority of my classmates from my elementary school chose the extended French!

I was put into 5 out of 8 classes with people I didn't know. It was really hard at first, but I started to make friends with some people (yay!).

 About 3 months after being friends with the new people in my life, I started to develop a full blown crush on this guy - we'll call him Bob for now!

I had the butterflies, speechless-ness and everything for. I fell for him HARD.

He was always so sweet and funny and a gentleman-to me especially for reasons I still don't know- and he was pretty much everything I wanted in a guy, except for the fact of him being a non-member. 

Some of my new friends figured out that I liked Bob and started to drop hints about me liking him, but also trying to figure out who HE liked, if anybody. They did it in such a way that he got really upset with them teasing him about it and never giving solid clues of who liked him.

They told me after a few weeks of the 'teasing' and I was upset as they then were pressuring me for a week to tell him that I liked him as 'it's unfair to tease him like this!'

After a week, during free period they chased me down the halls to tell him how I felt and the bell had rung at the point where I had finally stood face to face to him. I told him in the worst way POSSIBLE!

I asked him if I could talk to him for a minute and he said okay. I then proceeded to say almost instantly "I like you..." and he looked shocked.

I panicked and walked away. I felt humiliated!

I know that wasn't the best way to tell him, but the pressure and stress and everything made me scared.

I didn't talk to him for about 3 days until I messaged him on Facebook apologizing for the craziness.

He accepted my apology and we proceeded to become friends and talk literally, every day for 2 months! I was so happy!

But then, he dropped a bomb asking if I still liked him and I was honest. I said 'yes' and then he stopped talking to me for about a month.

I spent that month obsessing and freaking out and regretting the past few months.

Please understand, the whole time after I told him my feelings, he was so hot and cold; one day it appeared to me that he liked me and others he would pretty much ignore me. And whenever we would talk in person or on Facebook, he'd ALWAYS start the conversation!

One of my best friends and I talked about it and she told me to ask him how he felt about me, so I proceeded by sending him a message on Facebook basically asking him that I wanted to know his true feelings so I could move on with my life.

He then promptly replied with "IDK"!

I was so angry, but after that we started talking again!

I was torn!

I ended up liking him still, and he asked me once more how I felt about him and again I was honest-however this time, nothing changed.

This all led up to one day when he messaged me with "Hey sexy! ;)" and I didn't realize it until we ended the conversation.

I flipped out and asked my best friend what to do, because lately at that point he was acting very odd and I jumped to conclusions.

Then the next day, he asked me how I honestly felt about him.

I wasn't sure anymore, and I didn't want to affect his answer so I said 'maybe' and then finally asked how HE felt about me (I never had the guts to do it after the whole 'IDK' incident).

He replied with "I think your a pretty, amazing, nice girl, but I don't think of you as a girlfriend. I think of you more as a friend." and I felt numb and empty and terrible.

We stopped talking after that.

For the past month however, I had believed I was over him and I moved on and I felt great!

We started talking again, but not as much.

We saved the friendship and its been going great!

Unfortunately, I have started to notice him with a mutual friend, and he flirted with her (I know they are honestly just friends though and its all a joke that they play...I asked her!) and each time I see him joking around like that, I always get a pang of jealousy. I don't think I'm completely over him!

I also find myself trying to impress him sometimes again and whenever my friends mention him or tease me about him I still blush!


So, now you know the story!

I want to be able to go to Youth Conference in August ready to meet new guys and not think about Bob anymore!

Do you have any advice on how to get over him?

I sincerely want to be just friends with him and I want to keep him in my life as he really is an amazing person!

Please help me! Thank you!

- Hopelessly Confused

Dear HC,

There are only two things that help us get over our crushes: time and a new crush.

So, give it some time.

Eventually your feelings for "Bob" will cool off a bit and you'll find someone new to like.

Sure, your feelings for him may never totally go away, but that's okay. Just do me one favor, please? 

From here on out be a little less aggressive in your pursuit of boys.

You don't have to talk or text a guy "every day", you don't have to confess to a guy that you like him, and you don't have to find "The Guy" any time soon. 

And, trust me, this whole process is going to go a lot better, with a lot less drama, if you reign it in a bit.

Okay . . . a lot.

Take the hyper-drama down a few dozen notches, will ya?

Remember, your value comes from Heavenly Father and your real beauty from within, and neither is based on whether or not you have a boyfriend.

And, know this: Good Guys don't like being aggressively pursued.

In fact, the Really Good Guys find it a turn off, especially as they get closer and closer to going on a mission.

- Bro Jo

No comments: