Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published several times a month.

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "Dear Bro Jo" is not an LDS Church website. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

One Girl's Story - Part 3 of 5: They've Had the Talk

[Dear Readers, 

 A special treat this week. Five posts, all from the same sister. 

I'd like you to see how life changes and evolves in just a few short years. 

This email came one week after Part 2. 

Best to you all, 

- Bro Jo]

Dear Bro Jo,

So I did it.

I talked to him last night. I took the week to really think about it and how I wanted to approach talking to him. I also was out of town all weekend (camping) and when I got back Sunday morning I had a text from him just asking how I was.

It was awkward...

So I responded a few times and just asked him if he could chat later that night.

I just asked him if he was trying to be more of friends at this point, and he said yes, that he realized he wasn't ready to start dating again.

I knew he had had a pretty bad breakup in the past 6 months, and he was still bitter about it, and I should have taken that as a sign that he wasn't ready to date, but I liked him so much I ignored that fact.

Last night it came out that the break up had only been 3 months before we met.

And he had thought she was the one.

I think he has a lot of unresolved issues from it.

He kept apologizing and saying that he felt bad he didn't want to hurt me and that's why he handled it so poorly.

I told him that I would have understood if he had of told me when he realized it, and I'm probably more upset that he dragged me along than anything.

The biggest thing I think I got from this is that I was getting asked out by other guys and wasn't sure what to do, because I liked this boy enough to not want to go out with other guys.

But I can move on and start going out with other guys without all of this in the back of my mind. Thank you for telling me to talk to him, I probably would have just let it fizzle out and I would have never had answers.

It hurts a lot, but I think I'm pretty resilient and I'll be okay sooner than later.

- Still One Lonely Ute

PS:  When I said something about our mutual friend who I thought he was too close to, he was astounded that I was ever jealous of that!

He couldn't believe that I would feel threatened, and he pretty much said he would never decrease a friendship with someone for a relationship with another person, because he saw them as two totally separate things.

I disagree with him, but I found it interesting.

Anyways, thanks again!

Dear One,

Hard as it is, knowing is better than not knowing . . . I think.

It will be interesting to watch this young man as he learns somethings about friendship and relationships.


- Bro Jo


Laura said...

I can't tell if the writer means that he got defensive about his friendship with their mutual friend, or if he just couldn't believe it. Either way, I would take that as a red flag. That is a disregard for her feelings, and though he explained himself, if he was really concerned with caring about her, he would have apologized for the confusion and asked what he could improve on to help her see she has no competition. And then he would follow through on it.
But that didn't happen.
Red flag, move on.

I look forward to seeing if he comes crawling back, though... this is a good series, Bro Jo!

Anonymous said...

I had someone who I cared about tell me the same thing--that he wouldn't change anything about our close friendship even though he was dating someone else because he saw no reason to. Later on, when I had stepped away and he had married another girl, he messaged me one day saying he missed our talks. I never responded and have often felt sorry for his wife: I wonder how many of his close friendships with girls she knows about. Red flag.