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Monday, January 16, 2017

Does He Want to Be More Than Friends? - Part 2

Dear Bro Jo,

I ended up having a DTR with Jay.

It turns out I was completely wrong about his advances. I talked to him. I asked him, "I noticed lately that you have been a little touchy towards me lately and I was wondering if you meant something by it." He thought about what he was going to tell me for a few minutes. He told me that he is just a physically affectionate person and that he feels super close to me that he treats me like his family. He said that he cares for me a lot and that he loves me but not in a romantic way.

I lied. I said that I didn't like him in a romantic way. I honestly did this because I didn't want there to be awkwardness between the two of us and I thought that this might be the best way to do it.

I have a neighbor that is friends with my roommate. I knew that she liked Jared. She and Jared went on a date last Friday and I overheard her say that she didn't even know if she liked him in that way.

It hurt so much hearing her conversation that I had to leave my apartment. I didn't think that it would hurt this much. Like I can't sleep because I keep thinking about it.

Did I read the signals wrong?

Do you have any tips to help me get over him?

Should I tell him that I do like him?

Sincerely,

- Sissy




Dear Sissy,

I don't think you read the signals wrong.  I think Jay has clearly made some mistakes here ... some he may later come to regret.

I understand your self-preservation move, but wonder if it wouldn't have been better to be a little more upfront ... (meaning, yes, you should have actually told him you like him)

There are four things that help us get over someone:

Bro Jo's List of How to Get Over Someone
1.  Be social with your friends
2.  Date other people.
3.  Be of Service to Others
4.  Be Patient


Hang in there!

- Bro Jo

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

For crap sake TELL THE TRUTH!!! Bugs the snot out of me when girls (and guys for that matter) play these little games and then spend the rest of their lives saying, "What if..."
If you aren't mature enough to tell the truth then are you really mature enough to be married?
If you are having a DTR and you actually want him to tell the truth, do him the greatest justice you can and tell him the truth about your own feelings.
Look at it this way - what if you find out down the road that he really liked you and was waiting for you to be truthful to him. Hopefully he is man enough to be clear about his own feelings but if you are both lying to protect yourselves, what kind of a marriage would that be? And what does that say about your own maturity level? There are a lot of hard conversations that happen when you are married, and the whole marriage can be derailed with lies told to save face, and then even more lies to cover the last one up. Think about that please before you go into another relationship and think you are helping things by lying...

Bro Jo said...

Dear Anon,

I understand your frustration. He lied. She didn't confess. And now we have two lonely people.

I think had she confessed he might have felt safe to do the same; but I also certainly understand not wanting to confess your romantic feelings after someone tells you they have no interest in you.

I certainly hope you're not one of those guys that doesn't put himself out there because he's waiting for the girl to speak first all the time.

Cheers,

- Bro Jo

Anonymous said...

Do you know what happened to this girl? Did she find love?

Bro Jo said...

I don't know if she did. She continued to chase "Jay" for a while, trying the "be his friend" approach, and I don't think that worked.

Perhaps she'll see your comment and let us know . . .

- Bro Jo