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Wednesday, February 15, 2017

When You're Not Feeling the Spirit

Bro Jo

Hello again, for some reason you end up being a good person to turn to when I need advice that is unbiased.

I am just struggling a lot right now and I am not sure where to turn. I keep trying to turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ but I am just not feeling the comfort and help from them.

Last time I emailed you it was about a boy that I was seriously dating. He and I ended up I guess I would say 'pre-engaged' rings were chosen, dates were picked, and plans were starting to be made. However that fell apart which definitely turned out to be for the best. He was selfish and it would not have been as good a marriage as I know I will have someday.

That is not what I am struggling with. I am having such a hard time because I feel like I have spend as much of my 27 years of life doing as much as I can to be the best I can be and I don't see why the eternal blessings of happiness and family are not available to me.

There seem to be no options for dating in my life at all and my friends keep getting married and never have time to even talk to me after that let alone spend time with me.

I just don't know how much longer I can keep being faithful, I am losing faith that what I am doing to be the best I can is worth it. All I have ever wanted in my life is to be the best wife and mother I can be, it was what I was created to do, I know that with my whole heart. But I don't get to do that and I don't understand why.

I am also really struggling with wanting the physical aspects of a relationship. Frankly I am sick of being denied that because the guys I know are being so dumb and are addicted to porn so they don't have the desire to get married.

I just have such a hard time watching people I know leave the church and find love and have beautiful families and as a strong faithful member I am denied that.

I have struggled a little with some sins that have been worked out with my bishop, and right now the temptation to return to them is very very strong. I'm trying my best to be strong.

I will admit that I haven't been doing as much as I could be lately to stay close to The Lord I haven't attended the temple in a couple of months (something that I need to change quickly) and even though I study my scriptures and pray daily I haven't put as much heart into it as I probably should. So I know that I have distanced myself somewhat from the spirit. And I plan in changing that.

However in many of my prayers I beg Heavenly Father for comfort and peace and just to feel his love for me. And I don't feel it. I want to so badly but I just don't feel it. I feel very abandoned right now and I don't know what to do about it.

Sorry I just needed to vent to someone and get some things off of my chest. I am just so so tired of being lonely constantly, it is the worst feeling in the world. Any advice you might be able to give would be good. Thanks.


Dear Lonely,

I appreciate the kind words . . . but ALL of my opinions are biased, and I can never offer the comfort and help that comes from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

You're always welcome to vent to me if you need.

And you know I'll always give you my unfiltered opinion . . . because that's how I show that I care.

I can understand that being unmarried at 27 can be frustrating . . . especially in the Church . . .

But life is a marathon, dear sister, not a sprint, and while 27 years seems like a long time, in the grand scheme of our time here and the eternities . . . well, it's not.

Your friends who are leaving and marrying outside the Church SEEM happy . . . but I promise you that all is not dancing trees and singing flowers.  I'm happy for them, and you should be, too, but their happiness, like their marriage and their families, are temporary.  And look at what they've given up!

No blessings of the Temple.

No promise that the Spirit can be with them all of the time.

No priesthood in their home.

Where is their prophetic guidance?

What about Family Home Evening?

Are their lives blessed by Family Prayer?  Do they have the calming influence of Family Scripture Study and personal revelation?

And I bet, that when you really think about it, you'll be able to add quite a bit to this list.

One last thing that we must all remember regarding feelings of comfort and love from Heavenly Father and Christ:  those feelings are always expressed by them; whether or not we allow ourselves to know of Their love is up to us.  We can't be doing things in our lives that drive the Spirit away and then complain that we can't feel it, right?

Look, you're a good person who's dealing with some very real trials; you're not alone.

I share your frustration with the quantity of men who have allowed pornography, addiction, and other issues, to keep them from the same blessings you seek.  (It's not just a "guy problem", by the way.)

No one should expect you to be positive all of the time, but if you can lose yourself in service to others it will help you feel what you need to feel and deal with life's most difficult challenges.

I promise.

God bless you.

- Bro Jo


Becky said...

Start counting your blessings - name them one by one.
Let me offer a few:
You aren't in an abusive relationship
You aren't dealing with a spouse that has addiction issues
You can go to the temple, feel the spirit there
Ask for a blessing and listen to our Heaven' Father's response
You have friends, they might get busy, but in this day and age you can text and get a response and know that they are there
You are young (though you might not feel like it) and unencumbered - travel, see the world, make a bucket list and get things checked off - somewhere along the way you might meet someone who thinks like you do
Take more classes, expand your horizons
Take an institute class and learn more about Father's plans for us
Count those people in your life who love you - family, friends, ward members, pets - there are a lot of people out there who maybe aren't vocal about their love so remind them that you need to HEAR it
Go visit the widows and elderly in your ward and listen to their life stories -it will give you perspective on your own

The more you focus on how limiting your world is, the more it WILL be!

cc816 said...

What was he doing that was deemed selfish?