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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Helping Guys How to Be Better Dates

Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks for writing this great blog! It is very helpful.

I have met this very kind young man in Institute. Not going to dance around the obvious; he is attractive, athletic, talented, hard-working, extremely kind, smart and very strong in the gospel. He is the type of guy that I would get into a relationship with (but we both have missions to serve, so that wouldn't happen for a while).

Neither of us have graduated high school yet (we have an option where we live to go to community college instead of 11th and 12th grade, so we graduate with our 2 year degrees AND diplomas). Our stage in life could be the reason why he needs a little help. He asked me to go on a double date with him tomorrow night, a basketball game. But he has made a couple of errors:

1. He asked me via text message.
2. I live a little further from him, but he suggested that I drive myself (we talked, I told him that he needs to meet my parents and now he is picking me up).
3. He hasn't been fantastic at the planning, still throwing the details together even though it is tomorrow night.

He really is a great guy, and I'm sure that he didn't realize why these things aren't okay. My question: How can I help this guy realize what he needs to do? Should I drop hints or tell him nicely?


- A Guide Date

Dear Guide,

Now that the date is over, how did it go?

We can't do anything about the date that's past, but here are some things you can do next time:

1.  When a guy texts to ask you for a date, respond by saying "you should ask me in person or give me a call if you'd really like me to go out with you"

2.  This one you did Perfect!

3.  When a guy asks you out, you respond by saying "I'd love to go out with you!  What's the plan?"  When he says "I don't know", you say "Oh, well my parents are going to ask and I need to tell them what we're going to do in order to go, go get it figured out and let me know as soon as possible so I can tell them and then tell you yes".

There's nothing wrong with stepping into a training mode (Sister Jo trained me . . . A LOT) as long as your positive, encouraging, and complimentary when it's done right.

Valuable skills, this dating stuff.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you very much for your response!

The date went well, we ended up doubling with his younger brother and his date. Great basketball game, we talked the entire time.

He always made sure to open doors and offered to buy me a beverage at the concession stand (I graciously accepted).

My parents enjoyed talking with him too.

Thanks so much for the ideas!

I will definitely use them!

Just another question that came to mind when you mentioned "training mode":  I've noticed (mostly from older guy friends to their dates) that guys are either really good or really bad at romantic gestures. When the time comes, how can I help a date, boyfriend, etc. to be more romantic?

I mean c'mon, every girl wants a romantic guy to sweep her off her feet!

How can I help train a guy in that area?

Thanks again!

- Guide

Dear Guide,

Sister Jo LOVES it when I order for her at restaurants.  Not only does she see it as incredibly romantic, but it also makes her feel special.  (Now the trick is that she tells me what she wants while the waiter is gone, and then when he comes to take our order I rattle it off, in detail.)  She's the only girl I ever dated that wanted this done.  Know how she trained me?

She TOLD me to do it.

Actually, on one of our first dates (not THE first, but one of the early ones), she said "you know, I've always wanted a guy to order for me; I think it's incredibly romantic", and then she sat close, smiled, and told me what she wanted.  When the waiter came and asked her what she wanted, she put her hand on my knee and smiled again.  I looked the guy straight in the eye and said "the lady would like . . . "

He walked away totally bewildered, and probably thinking I was some oppressive jerk who wouldn't let the girl order for herself (which I still get from time to time by the way).  When he was gone she kissed me on my cheek and whispered how romantic that was.

And BAM!

I was trained!

We've been together nearly 25 years and I still do it every time.  (Except at places like Subway or Qdoba where she's making up her mind about what she wants as she goes.)  And every time she rewards me:  thanks, a smile, or a smooch (sometimes all three!)

That's what I mean when I say that you women have the power; use it.

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

What's this "Hand on the knee" stuff? I thought you said no hands on knees until much later in a relationship. First date is too early and gives the wrong impression methinks!

Bro Jo said...

It wasn't our "very first date" . . . and it's entirely possible I'm mis-remembering what happened . . . either way, whatever she did worked!

- Bro Jo