He's Hunting for an Eternal Companion

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey, I was wondering if you have some advice for a first time steady dater.  Or rather a guy considering it.

I’ve done some dating here and there but not a lot and not often.  I’d really appreciate some general dating tips and steady dating pointers.  If you’ve already got some articles, I’d love the links.

Thanks,

Jet




Dear Jet,

I've written about this a lot, actually.  If you go to the Blog Page and click on the topic Serious Single Dating you'll be linked to those posts.

There are also several Notes on our Facebook page that you might find helpful, like:

Bro Jo’s YSA DATING DO’S AND DON’TS

In general I'll tell you two things :

1.  If you're pre-mission, don't bother.   You should be Casual Group Dating until you've put in your papers, and then you should really not be dating at all until you come home.  There are links and resources on Casual Group Dating both on the blog page and the Facebook page.

2. In my analysis I see guys who are supposed to be "Dating with a Purpose" adopt one of three techniques:  Archery Dating, Shotgun Dating, or Rifle Dating.

Archery Daters sit around, forever.  IF they're out there, in the stand, at all, they keep hoping that the perfect target will walk by.  They Wait and Watch as plenty of Good, even Great, targets come and go, doing nothing.  They keep saying to themselves "sure, that's a good one, but I bet if I wait long enough a better one will come along".  When a target they're in love with finally does come into view, they're often too intimidated to take a shot.  They've had no practice.  When they do finally fire they often miss, only to find themselves waiting again, often regretting having not shot at any of the great targets that came by earlier.  Now, every Great Target that comes by will be compared to the one that got away.

Shotgun Daters shoot at everything.  They're hoping if they get enough pellets in the air one of them is bound to find the mark they're hoping for.  The problem is that they never spend enough ammo (think "time and effort") on any one target to ever truly be successful.  Sure they might pull down the occasional flighty bird once in a while, but if they're after big game all they're going to do with all of this shooting is scare it away.  Big Game hears all of the shooting and shies away.

Rifle Daters are different.  They're focused.  They're willing to do some walking.  They get to where they see the whole herd, pick out the one they like best, and take aim.  Focusing on that one Great Target they give it their best shot.  Effort and focus.  If they give it an earnest shot, maybe two or three, and things don't work out, they look for the next target to focus on.  They might stop aiming for a short while to survey the field, but they don't go back home and sit around and complain about how they never filled their tag.

(There are some guys that THINK they're Rifle Daters, but they're Truck Hunters.  They never get out of their vehicle, never make enough effort.  If they see a quality target and can't get it with an easy shot they'll drive on to the next field.  Too bad, too.  They could have had a lot of success . . . if only they were a little more aware of their situation and a lot less lazy.)

A Good Hunter does his homework.  He knows how to call a target.  He knows how to dress for the occasion.  He prepares, he spends the time, he practices and he never gives up.


That said, I hope two things:

A.  That true hunters don't take the analogy as a knock on one style of hunting or another.

B.  That none of you men are dumb enough to treat a woman like a slab of meat, or that you'd just leave an acquired target rotting on the forest floor.

- Bro Jo