Dear Bro Jo,
Ever since I have returned early from my mission, the next step Heavenly Father would like me to take is towards marriage.
Which the funny thing is, I don't even have a boyfriend.
Literally every guy I have tried to date was a complete fail, no potential at all.
Some to name a few: friend zoned me, wanted to leave the Church, told me I was the one then friend zoned me, less active, or just straight up rejected me.
I have now been actively seeking for priesthood worthy guy who loves the gospel as much as I do.
Some dates are great but then the vulnerability fear haunts me. I get afraid and find any and all reasons not to like them.
I guess the ultimate question is, how do I go about seeking out someone without fear of getting hurt?
Thanks-
K.
Dear K,
Contrary to what the world teaches, marriage isn't about love. Or sex. Or getting along all of the time.
It's about Trust.
As for failure . . . the reality is (hopefully) that every relationship you get into (or attempt) will be a failure until you find someone you'll marry. And those failures can be quite educational!
Think about that.
(Did you know that Sister Jo and I broke up a couple times while we were dating? True story. We're two outspoken, opinionated, ornery people. What we realized was that no matter how mad we got at each other, at the end of the day we still loved each other so much that there was no one else we'd rather be around.)
Be Patient with this process. Keep dating. Stop putting all of this pressure on yourself to get married. Instead, focus on dates as being a great chance to get to know people better . . . and perhaps do some hand-holding . . . and a little kissing every now and then.
There are actually hundreds of thousands of single worthy young priesthood holders out there in your age range. Good Guys who work hard and will appreciate you.
As you slow down, worry less about the timeline, you'll find one you can Trust. The key part of "boyfriend" is "friend". You'll open up to him. He'll open up to you. The trust will go both ways.
Yes, along the way to finding this man you will likely find a few men that you Think you can Trust, only to discover that you can't.
And it will hurt.
That's all part of the process.
As an SRM you know that nothing great in life comes without hard work and that it involves some risk. The think is, K, that the hurting is worth the risk because the reward is so great!
One last thing about all of this: while I want you to find a man that loves and cherishes you, that honors his priesthood and works hard at everything he needs to do, I need you to be a little realistic.
A Good Marriage does not mean that there are never sad times, never frustrations, never fights, never disappointments. If you insist on finding that in a boyfriend, you'll either never get married or be very upset when reality sets in.
A Good Marriage is about finding someone that you love and enough to be willing to work through those things, and that you trust will love you enough to work through them, too.
Relax.
Have fun.
Find yourself constantly in service to others and the Lord.
And it will all work out.
- Bro Jo
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