Dateless at BYU

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a student at BYU and I hardly ever go on dates. When I do go on the rare date, it is with someone I already knew before coming here.

My friends, however, seem to have different dates every weekend. I'm not usually shy, but when it comes to talking to a cute guy sitting next to me in class, I'm speechless.

Do you have any advice on talking to guys and occasionally getting a date? I've always thought it was the guys responsibility to make the first move and ask a girl out, but none ever do. Thanks for the help,

- Dateless at BYU



Dear Dateless,

I posted a column on February 28, 2011 (CLICK HERE) that may help. Not everything necessarily applies to you, but it may be worth taking a look at.

Some guys, even at the Y (okay, especially at the Y) are real duds. They're superficial, they set "minimum standards" that they themselves couldn't possibly meet, and they just fail to date nearly as much as they should. As I see it, it's our job (yours, mine, and Sister Jo's) to educate those dunderheads. You're going to have to accept the fact that there are great guys out there that, for whatever reason (and they don't deserve all of the blame; we parents and leaders have failed to educate and train Too Many young men in this area) are either too shy or too dumb to realize that they should be asking you out.

We can fix that.

And by "we" . . . I mean "you".

Yes, it's absolutely their responsibility to ask you out, but you've got to lower your guard a little; let them know you're date-able. That means . . . (brace yourself) . . . you're going to have to start talking to them. All of them. The cute ones, the weird ones, the intimidating ones and even those you may not have any attraction to (or at least think you don't).

Start today.

Pick a new guy every class (or every hour) and start a conversation. Get to know some new people. That's your assignment.

By the end of this week I want you to send me an email telling me about AT LEAST 20 new guys you've met. You should know their names, what they're studying (or where they're working), something about them, and whether or not they're seeing anyone.

It goes like this:

"Hi, my name is _________. How are you enjoying (insert "this class", "that hamburger", "the sunshine", anything you can think of that seems relevant).

When he responds, ask his name if he doesn't offer it.

Chat a little bit, and near the end of the conversation you say "so . . . are you seeing anyone?"

If he says "yes", tell him it was nice to meet him. If he says "no", you follow up with "well, you should call me sometime" and give him your phone number.

Dating isn't for the faint of heart, but being married is pretty cool, so it's worth some serious effort.

Not kidding about the assignment. I expect an email.

Good luck!

- Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

Okay, so I didn't quite get 20 guys... but I still got a lot!

The first time I stepped outside of my comfort zone and talked to a guy turned out to be a lot easier than I thought. Turns out he is a photography major, which is what I am trying to get in to. I felt a lot better about myself talking to guys and it definitely made the week go by faster and more fun!

Okay, so the report.

I talked to 12 guys. I didn't find out all of their majors or if they were available, but I found out all of their names!

I will be talking to more guys from now on and getting out of my comfort zone. I have a date planned in the near future, so things are definitely looking up.

Thanks so much for your help and advice!

It has really helped me a lot!

- Now Dating at BYU



Dear Dating,

Good for you!

Excellent news!

Have fun,

- Bro Jo