Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published several times a month.

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "Dear Bro Jo" is not an LDS Church website. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at

Friday, September 14, 2012

The Rude Dude

Dear, Bro Jo,

I love reading your advice and was hoping you could help me out with some problems of my own.

I have liked this guy on and off for the past couple of years, and at one point the feeling was mutual.

Now as we have gotten a little older he has started to become interested in other girls and rarely pay any attention to me.

Sometimes he is outwardly rude to me in public, and when we get in a smaller group he becomes more of a gentleman and is way more sincere. for example we will be at a party and he will offer me some punch or offer to get me some refreshments and then the next minute he will ignore me and pretend I don’t exist. I was wondering if you could help me try and figure out how to read his mixed signals.

Thank you.

- Confused

Dear Confused,

You don't mention your age, which may be important; if you're in high school this may be more an issue of you wanting something that isn't there than him sending mixed signals (drama drama drama); if you're a Young Single adult it could be that, or you could be confusing him being nice with what you really want him to be, or it could be that he likes you and doesn't know what to do; if you're an older Single Adult then he definitely likes you, has no idea what to do, and is his own roadblock to why he's still single, the dummy.

Either way, I say if it bothers you, talk to him.

Don't be defensive or confrontational. Don't back him into a corner.

Just say "hey, I probably should have mentioned this before, but I feel confused when people are nice and then they ignore me or are rude to me in public; I'm not sure what to think or how to feel".

Notice that in the "confrontation" you need to avoid the word "you" - that will put him on the defensive. If he feels attacked you won't get a sincere answer.

If he asks you for examples, give one, but again, be benign.

If he asks if it's him, you can say "well . . . maybe; I don't want you to feel like I'm attacking you".

Get it?

We have no right to complain about the actions or inactions of others if we've never talked to them about them.

Let us know how it goes.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you, I am in High School.

I just talked to him the other day and he told me he didn’t remember what was going on and that he would try not to be rude or ignore me anymore. he sounded really sincere and I would just like to thank you for being a big help to me.

I don’t think it will ever work out between us and I think we will be just friends, but he hasn’t ignored me since I approached him.


Dear Satisfied,

Glad to hear you had the talk.

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

J-Dawg Fluffy said...

I am in a similar situation, except now I'm the "rude dude." I told a (female)friend after a YSA dance that I enjoyed dancing with one of our mutual friends. She turned that into me somehow being madly in love with this other girl. SO now the second girl is giving me a LOT of attention. She tries to be affectionate, (which I am extremely uncomfortable with and has led to me avoiding her a lot more.)