Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (with occasional additional posts, too).

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Bro Jo is not a spokesman or authority for the LDS Church. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at dearbrojo@gmail.com.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

When Your Overprotective Family Makes Dating Difficult

Dear Bro Jo,

Okay . . . So I have 2 older protective brothers (1 is a geeky nerd, the other is a pro fighter) and super-duper protective dad (I’m the "daddy kid" in the family and his first girl). I'm 17 years old and I have only been out on a few dates because:


  1. Any guy I even has so much as friend on FB my brothers start interrogating him!!
     
  2. My brothers and dad insist that whenever I do go out on group dates or hang with friends one of my brothers has to be there, or they have to know exactly who is going to be there an they have to drop me off an say hi to everyone. and thirdly because my family is kind of crazy an my oldest brother is very well known in our city an I’m known as his little sister!! 
Also the guys who have taken me out in the past have been total jerks!  They don't stop when I tell them to stop an my last date I had to leave in the middle of the movie an call my mom to take me home.

So I guess what I’m trying to ask is that is there any way I can talk to my family about this an get them to lay off just a little, so that I can have fun and how can I get NICE, HONEST, FUN guys to ask me out???

I honestly just want to have fun and get to know people not get into anything serious or inappropriate .... please help me!

Sincerely,

Over-Protected


Dear Under-Protected,

I'm confused.

You haven't gone on any good dates because all of the guys in your family intimidate boys . . . the only dates you do go on one of your brothers has to be there . . . and yet these date jerks are all over you, not keeping their hands to themselves . . . Is that right?

Because if it is, it sounds like your father's plan is backfiring and your tough-guy brother isn't as well-known or intimidating as you think, and that all sounds like you'er UNDER protected to me.

It doesn't really add up, but another part of your email clues us in to what your problems are as well as the solution.

You said that your brothers drop you off. And there you go.

You're not following the Dating Rules. Because they don't pick you up, your "dates" don't meet your father, they don't have to listen to his expectations about how they should treat you (or what he and your brothers will do if you're not respected), and your father doesn't know who you're with.

You're being dropped off like a toy, not picked up like a princess.

That doesn't entitle these boys to manhandle you, but your dates need to know that there are people in your life who demand that you be treated well. And that INCLUDES YOU!

You need to demand respect from all the guys in your life, and that includes you brothers and father.

Read the Dating Rules and call a family meeting (your mom needs to be there, too). Tell them what you want (dates with good guys who plan, pick up and pay), tell them what hasn't been working (guys are all over you and you've had to walk out), and tell them what needs to change (your father needs to meet your dates in your home Every Time, and talk to them about his expectations and rules, and your brothers need to start setting you up on Casual Group Dates with guys that both they and you respect and like).

You deserve better! Now it’s time to demand it. You're not a helpless baby anymore, stop letting the guys in your life treat you that way.

- Bro Jo

No comments: