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Friday, December 14, 2012

Getting Rid of "The Creeper Boy"

Dear Bro Jo,

For me and all the other girls out there wondering the same thing.......I know this may sound silly but it feels like the only kind of guy that is ever attracted to me is the CREEPY STALKER kind of guy.

Why is that?!

I dress modestly, I act appropriately, I do everything that I can to make sure I'm living the way I should.

Is it because I'm just so outgoing and nice to everyone that they think I'm flirting with them?

Are all the Nice Guys just to intimidated to talk to me? and that's why I get all the Creeps?

Are there just no nice guys in the area or is there something else wrong?

Also how do I kindly let a guy know that I am NOT INTERESTED!!

I hate being rude and feel like no matter who the guy is I should still be nice to him and show him respect. but how do I do that and get the point across to them?!

Or is there even a way to be nice and let them know? like seems like guys don't get it when you tell them you just want to be friends.

Are Guys really THAT DUMB?!


[by the way.....I love your blog! thank you so much! :) ]


Dear TW,

Typically we attract the kind of person we are . . . but not always.

Is the problem that you attract Creepers or that you're not attracting the guys you want to attract?

Are these guys flocking to you because you're "too nice"?  Or do you have an inflated opinion of your awesomeness?

Because let's be honest: the world is full of great Nice Guys . . . so yeah, something else must be wrong if creepers are "the only type of guy" you attract.

I mean, you could be SO nice that the socially awkward guys cling to you because you don't cold heartedly reject them the way many other girls do . . . (and that's not an entirely bad thing).

But then we also have to face the fact that if a Great Looking guy did the same things that Creeper Boy is doing (depending of course on what it is), you'd probably be all giggles and wiggles, right?

Because we all know that the difference between a Creeper and a Crush often comes down to whether or not you think they're attractive.

So . . . um, you know what that means, right?

And, in answer to your other question: yes, guys are that dumb.

Even more so than you realize, actually.

Clear and concise is the best shot you have at getting your message across, and if you water it down any it won't work.

See, "Guys Can't Stay 'Just Close Friends' with Girls".

They can't.

And they don't want to.

For us "good friends" just means that we're close enough that eventually we may wear you down far enough that you'll smooch us.  (This, by the way, is the reason Sister Jo is the only Close Female Friend I have.) All it takes, in our minds, is a bad breakup, a fight with your parents or best friend, or (for the less scrupulous) . . . a little alcohol. (Another reason not to drink the stuff, sisters.)

Maybe if we come over, hang out, study in your room, and you're sad or desperate or lonely enough . . . you'll decide we're the man of your dreams.  Well . . . one can hope . . .

That's how dudes think. And it's best that you figure that out . . . NOW.

Any guy who argues is a liar (and likely trying to use his argument to get closer to you).

Dad's know.

We're guys.

That's why Good Dads, Smart Dads, never let guys in your room (in my house, friends aren't even allowed on the same floor as the bedrooms) and they actively disapprove of certain outfits and situations.

So, for all of you Too Nice Girls who can't shed the Creepy Stalker Boys, once again, here's what you say: "I'm not interested."

Don't add ANYTHING.

Don't say "thank you", or "you're really sweet", or "at this time", or "but we can still be friends", or "that's flattering".

If he's already decided to creep on you, all of that stuff is just encouraging.

Be Nice. Be Polite. And Be Smart.

And Be Honest with yourself.  Is the guy really a Creeper?  Has he crossed the line into "Scary Stalker"?  Because if he has, you need to get more help than just writing to me.  Before he starts following you home, if talking won't make it stop, then other adults, people you trust, need to be told right away so they can help you.

Lastly, consider this: the world is full of women who are happily married to guys they would have found weird and creepy in high school.

Something you may want to ponder before you totally reject this guy.

 - Bro Jo

[By the way, Thank You!]


Anonymous said...

Thank you Bro Jo! I've always felt guilty when turning down a creeper (and yes, it's true creeping, with following-though I know they're harmless-and incessant messages at all hours, none of which are responded to), so I always end up starting those things like "Thank you" or "I'm flattered, but" or "I think it's really sweet of you" or "you're a great guy". I had no idea that was a bad thing, but it all makes sense now! Though I must ask, how should the plain old "I'm not interested" be said? I mean, smiling would be just cruel (obviously), but too serious of a face doesn't seem exactly kind either. And blank is just rude. And then what comes after you say it? Awkwardly struggle through the rest of the conversations or just walk away?

Dave Johnston said...

Don't over think it.

Simply say "I'm not interested" and then . . . this is the most important part . . . BE QUIET!

Say nothing else. If you feel like smiling slightly, then do. If not then not.

Too often (I learned this in a Sales Techniques course) we make things worse because we think we need to fill every conversational void with sound.

Learn the value of silence.

- Bro Jo

Anonymous said...

So if typically we attract the weird creepy awkward boys then odds are we are weird creepy and awkward?

Dave Johnston said...

Maybe . . .

But consider this: there are some people in the world that are (as the Jo Boys say) "not painful to look at" - most people may be attracted to them, but that doesn't mean most people are creepers, right?

So simply attracting the creepers doesn't mean that you're creepy.

But if the ONLY guys a girl attracts (or girls a guy attracts) are a particular narrow type, either they need to widen their circles . . . OR . . .

- Bro Jo