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Monday, April 1, 2013

Piggyback Off of September 26th's Post "Full Repentance - Part 2" - Part 2

Dear Bro Jo,

Yes, that definitely makes sense.

I suppose I wrongly used the two synonymously.

I definitely regret it. In fact, I know I'm never doing anything like that again until I'm sealed in the temple. I know it was wrong, I know why it was wrong, we weren't justified at all, and no situation makes that okay.

However, I can understand/remember why I in that moment didn't think anything of it, and because of our situation, it was (thankfully) not as damaging as it could have been.

 My only question I've been asking myself and the Lord is "Now what?" It just keeps nagging me. Sometimes, my train of thought goes, "Well, if it keeps popping up in my head, clearly it's unresolved, and the only thing I haven't done is see the branch president."

But then I wonder, what can he do that I haven't already done? I've fasted, pondered, and prayed about this so hard. I've read scriptures on it like crazy. I have done nothing beyond a peck (like three in the last year and a half, not even kidding) since then, and I don't even have a desire to do more. In fact, I hardly even want to date.

The change of heart, the regret, it's all there. I never had the godly sorrow part, but other than that... The only thing that makes me think this isn't all wrapped up is the fact that it keeps popping into my head. Not the memory, per say, but the regret.

Like there's a little battle in my brain going...

Side 1: Hey, remember that one time? That was really dumb of you.
Side 2: Yeah, I know!

[the next day]

Side 1: It was still really dumb of you.
Side 2: IIIII know! I remember.

[the next day]

Side 1: Hey-
Side 2: I KNOW! What do you want me to do about it? He's not here. I'm not tempted in the slightest. I've never worked so hard spiritually in my life. I feel better about myself and my choices than ever before. The only thing that could make this better would be forgetting it, which you won't let me do.

Bro Jo, I've always been a perfectionist and an overachiever. My stupid pride just won't let me get past the fact that I screwed up, even though it doesn't affect my life otherwise.

It's like I'm angry with my past self.

Oh my word, that's it.

I have to forgive myself.

Holy cow, that's completely it.

Wow, um, thank you for guiding this conversation so that I could figure this out,

 - Possibly About To Succeed




Dear Possibly,

Anytime.

But you did all the work.

Good job!

 - Bro Jo


 PS: Not all sinful actions are going to merit "Godly Sorrow"; while we shouldn't judge one sin relative to another, not all mistakes are the same. As someone who's seriously trying to lose weight, I'm not going to feel the same remorse over sneaking a 70 calorie chocolate that I would over downing a 1200 calorie cheese burger.

Why?

Because the consequences of the actions are not the same.

And that's the point.

Not all sin has the same level of consequences.

While two actions may both be bad, murder is not the same as, say, being angry at your loved one.

Exttreme examples, but you get the point.

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