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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

She's 21, Fallen for a Missionary, and He Likes Her, Too; What Now?

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm 21 years old and about month ago I met a new missionary at my Church, we quickly bonded (and I quickly developed a crush on him).

Even though I am 21; I won't deny that this could be a simple school girl crush that I could get over with time.

I've been a member of the Church for almost 5 years, so I know how important serving a mission is (I even thought about serving myself).

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do I want to distract him (even though some would say I already am) or compromise anything for him.  However I aware of my own feelings and wanted to know how to handle them. I am not 100% clear with the missionary rules, but if I text them (him) to say I had or am having a rough day HE calls(or text backs) to check on me.

He recommends songs for me to listen to (usually a love song), in Sunday school he sits next to me (if someone else isn't sitting there already) instead of his companion, and all sorts of other little things.

If I'm not mistaken almost all (if not all) of this is against the rules, so I try to keep myself/emotions in check.

But it is really difficult, there hasn't been anyone other man at the Church (or in my life) that I felt this close to (and like he could be a suitable spouse in the future) and I sometimes feel like he could has some feelings for me as well (I know this is bad because he's on his mission).

Recently we both have been pulling back; little to no texting/phone calls, I only talk to him at Church or at meetings with my whole family, we rarely sit together (because its a big distraction for us both because all we do is whisper and play around), and he hasn't recommended any new (love) songs for me to listen to.

I know this could all be signs that he's not interested (I hope it isn't).

I have no intention on pursuing anything with this missionary while he's on his mission, but I wanted to know if it would be silly to try after his mission is over?

I read on you blog before you told a girl she shouldn't, but she was 14 (and would be 16 when his mission was over) and he was 19 (and would be 21 when his mission was over).

I am young but not a kid and I am actually willing to wait . . .I just want to know what you think all about this?

Is it possible he could like me?  (Don't worry either answer won't encourage me.)

Is it foolish to think about waiting?

What else can I do to keep from distracting him from his mission?

- Name Withheld





Dear NW,

You've already crossed a line, and you need to get back on the other side.  No texting, no calling, no sitting together.  Ever.  For any reason.

When he gets transferred to another area (which I think needs to happen now) you are not allowed to write him.

If he writes you it needs to be reported to his Mission President.

He has your address.  If he's truly interested then he can try to contact you after the mission.

But it would be foolish of you to hold your breath.

Yes, missionaries have gone back to areas after they've been released and married girls that they met while serving.

It's rare.

And, to be honest, it weirds me out.

It's actually much more common that when he goes back to date the girl they both realize the "relationship" is much different than they thought.  I think that's because it was previously based on nothing more than him being a lonely (or horny) missionary and her being in love with the "mission version" of this guy. Because, let's face it, without being able to date you're not getting to know the real people.

You're already a distraction.

And a problem.

Talk to your Bishop and let him know what's going on.

He should talk to his mission president. Not because either of you have committed a "major" transgression or are bad people, but because they can each help you cope.

If it's meant to be, it will happen.

But again, I wouldn't hold off dating other guys if I were you.

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Arthur Lee said...

I could never wrap my head around this, yet they seem to happen all the time!

I think the weirdest combo is still marrying someone who served in the same mission as you, especially when you've been in the same district as the other person...