What Do Ups and Downs in the Beginning of a Relationship Mean?

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi Bro Jo, I need some advice... And you are a neutral 3rd party which is helpful.

Hopefully this will make sense... I am 25, I date a lot, which I am grateful for, but even though I go on a lot of dates I don't really do the relationship thing very often...

There always seems to be something holding me back...

And I've never really been in a "serious" relationship.

I have had my heart broken a couple of times, and I think I have broken a few as well.

I am currently dating a really good guy, we have been going on dates for about a month and a half, but we are still just kinda getting to know each other, nothing "official" has been established, but things are going pretty well....

The problem is that my feelings always just seem to go up and down, one day I think yeah this guy is great I can't wait to see where this goes, and then the next I just feel really unsure about the whole thing. I think part of the problem is that I don't know exactly where he wants this to go, and I don't know where I want it to go.

I guess I am just frustrated because I can't figure out if it is really him that I am questioning, or if I am just scared or what.

He is a little younger (about 3-ish years) which is a little difficult for me.

We have kissed, and things are pretty good in that area.

The other thing that I have been noticing is that we haven't really talked much about the important life stuff like kids, family, lifestyle etc...

Obviously I know we are definitely not ready for that kind of talk in our relationship, but I just mean in general..

I am not sure if he even wants the same things in life that I do.  I assume he does because we a both very strong members of the church and want to live the best we can, but we just haven't really talked about it, and it seems like it would be awkward to try and force that type of conversation.

I guess I just need some help in knowing if this is what it is supposed to be like, it always seems that when people meet the person they want to marry that they kind of know from the beginning, and each time I meet and start dating a good guy like this the same thing happens, either he or I seem to just feel like there is something missing,

I don't know what, and I'm not even sure if I feel like that with this guy, but I just feel like I should know if I like him haha. I don't know if I am letting fear of the unknown, or of heartbreak get in my way of letting something good happen, and if I am then how do I stop myself from doing that?

I'm just confused and curious about weather it should really be this difficult to fall in love or if I am getting in my own way, and how to stop myself.

-Confused




Dear Confused,

Well . . . it seems like you've asked the same question over and over, although in a couple different ways. 

First of all, I think you do the relationship thing more than you realize. 

For example, you're in one now. (Surprise!)

You know, I asked Sister Jo and she and I never had an "official" conversation that formally started the relationship.

True story.

Yes, I think you're getting in your own way, and I think the way to get past that is to R-E-L-A-X and enjoy the moments.

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, and stop putting so much pressure on him.

And, for the record, I don't see any difference between uncertainty and curiosity about where the relationship is going to go.

That's not "ups and downs", little sister, that's life.

Some people know right away (or rather, they think they do or did - a BIG difference) and some grow into love (that's more likely, btw).

If it helps, check out "Bro Jo's LEVELS of a RELATIONSHIP"  And stop inventing reasons for why you shouldn't be enjoying life.

- Bro Jo