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Wednesday, July 2, 2014

He's Not Marriage Material?

Dear Bro Jo,


So...I have a somewhat painful but necessary question.

As soon as I graduate, I plan on going on a mission (these new missionary age-changes are quite convenient), then returning and studying to become a radiologist.

But I just bring myself to consider marriage.


Because I'm not a good person.

I recognize that I'm selfish, lazy, and prideful, and certainly not attractive.

So with that acknowledgement, why on earth would I inflict all my weaknesses on some poor girl for time and all eternity?

Even if I do fall in love, and by some miracle the girl in question loves me back, how can I condemn her to life with me when I know there are thousands of men out there that would make far better husbands and fathers?

If I truly have as selfless love for someone, wouldn't it be more Christlike to let her go and marry a better person than I?

I realize I haven't even been on my mission yet, so girls are entirely irrelevant at the moment. But this has been tearing me up for awhile.

- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

Are you, or are you not, a Son of God?

Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ do you, or don't you, have the ability to repent of your weaknesses and become a better man?

And lastly, do you intent to fall in love with someone of very little intellect?

Look, Little Brother, we all marry up; Sister Jo is WAY out of my league.

But she inspires me to be better, to do better.

All of this is cursory at this point anyway, except for the fact that it speaks to your need to grow in your testimony of the Savior and of the Divine Nature that we all possess.

Stop the pity party.

Stop making excuses.

Start doing the best with what you have and improving every day.

As one of the Jo Missionaries says:

"We are not called to be someone else, nor someone else's idea of who we should be.  We are called to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.  Be true to yourself."

Don't worry about becoming a better person overnight, but if you truly see something about yourself that you'd like to change, something REASONABLE, then make the change. 

Maybe start with being less lazy.

Or combine that with your selfishness.

Go rake someone's yard for free.

The exercise will do you good, and the selfless service will help you feel better about yourself.

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Heidi said...

It's important to remember that the "thousands of men out there that would make far better husbands and fathers" have struggles of their own. Most are struggles that you cannot see. When you compare yourself to other men, you are most likely comparing your weaknesses to their strengths.
Additionally, serving a mission will force you to improve in many ways. Your selfishness, laziness, and pride, in particular, will be forced to dwindle. A mission is two years of hard, selfless work. Your pride will be bruised if not broken. Your testimony will be tested. Even planning to serve is an extremely selfless thing to do. Not every young man would be willing to give up two years of his life to serve.