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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

What If You Don't Want to Give Out Your Number?

Dear Bro Jo,

I just had a great time at EFY!  I met lots of great people and really felt the Spirit.

The only dark cloud was that at one of the dances this boy kept trying to get my number.

It wasn't like he was a super nice guy . . . or super creepy . . . but he isn't someone I want to go out with.

I danced with him once because he asked and it's my thinking that a girl should dance with every guy at least once if he asks . . . especially at Church dances.

Also I think he was one of those guys that goes around at dances and tries to get as many phone numbers as he can to show off to his friends, like a contest or something.

I kept trying to avoid him, or come up with an excuse, but eventually I just gave him my number so he would go away.  I hope he doesn't call!  It was either that or leave the dance early which I didn't want to do.  I don't think I should have to leave a dance just because some guy won't leave me alone.

Help!  Bro Jo, how do I not give out my number next time?  And what do I do if this weird boy calls?

- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

I'm actually surprised I don't get asked this more often . . .

The problem is, on some level, that you're a nice person.  You're approachable; your sweetness shows through tour smile, the things you do, and how kindly you treat others.

That's why you danced with him when he asked.  (And I agree with your "policy", by the way.  The girls who run off, freak out when slow songs come on, or turn guys down who are not their "ideal" guy end up not getting asked to dance - or on dates, btw.  At least that's been my observation.)

So what's a nice girl supposed to do?

I agree that you shouldn't leave early.  And I'm a little bothered that none of the adults there saw what was going on and stepped in and told the guy to back off . . . bothered, but not surprised.  Still, perhaps it's best that you (and other girls . . . AND guys) learn how to deal with these things on your own without adult protection".)

So, here's:

Bro Jo's Guide for What to Do When You Don't Want to Give Out Your Phone Number

1.  Give your number.  Never answer his call or reply to his text.  (You should never answer from a number you don't know anyway. )  When he calls, block the number.

2.  What he needs to hear from you is "no thank you", even "I'm not interested".  You may think you're being nice by sparing his feelings, but anything less than direct will harm him in the long run.

3.  Guys fear girls in groups.  Stay in your big group and that may scare him away.

4.  Send a friend.  "I need to tell you that she thinks you're a nice guy but she's not into you; the reason she's avoiding you is because she's to nice to know how to tell you; she doesn't want to give you her number, so stop stalking her, it's creepy".  Friends can be more direct, and frankly I don't think we use their help enough.

5.  Ask an adult for help.  Especially if you're one of the younger people at the dance.  That's one of the reasons chaperons are there, by the way.

This isn't just advice for girls; guys often find themselves in he exact same situation.   These things to do work for them,  too, and girls can be just as creepy (the Jo Boys might say "even more creepy") as guys are.

I think that now you've given out your number you can use option #1, although the truth is that he may never call.  (That's a good thing, right?)

See, if he is just playing the game, he's likely not really interested . . . or is too shy to actually call . . .or is only really interested in one of the girls whose number he's getting, but is using the "game" as a cover.

What he'll likely do is text first.  That's what guys do now.

(I think it's lame.  And a bit cowardly.)

And unless you want to get trapped getting texts from him all the time, you won't reply to his texts.

Note:  if you are "a little interested" and you block him you'll never know if he texts or calls in the future.  If you don't want to burn that bridge forever (important to know:  often today's "stalker / creepy guy" becomes tomorrow's super-cute, super-nice guy) you'll not answer, not block forever.

I know there are those "fake number" services, where the guy calls and hears a rude message, and that sometimes people just give out a fake number, or someone else's number.  I don't think that's a good idea.

It's dishonest.

And at Church dances, even at EFY, you never know when you could end up seeing that same guy again.

Trust me, you don't want to deal with the fallout from having lied.

Keep going to dances and having fun!

- Bro Jo

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