Bikinis

[Readers,

The following was a comment on the June 9, 2014 post "Swimwear".  I felt it brought up some good questions and deserved it's own post, which follows.

You can jump to the original post by clicking HERE.

- Bro Jo]



Anonymous said...

Bro Jo, Your last sentence in your previous comment may have answered the question I'm about to ask, but I'll ask anyway.

First, background to the question.

There was a YW in my ward who was 17/18 when I first turned 12 and entered YW. I really looked up to her because she was an exceptional young woman who was a straight A student, Laurel President, Captain of the Volleyball Team, and had a very strong testimony. She always advocated the Church's standards, especially modesty.

Fast-forward a few years to when I was 17/18 and she was getting sealed to the missionary she had waited for while at college.

Sometime after her honeymoon was over, she posted pictures of the affair on Facebook. And what I saw kind of shocked me because of the kind of person she was.

She was wearing a bikini with her new husband at the beach, snorkeling, on ziplines, etc.

I know that that should hardly be shocking, as we see it everywhere, but that got me to thinking:  are bikinis considered immodest?

I always thought they were, but when I looked at the old and new versions of the FTSOY, neither said anything about swimwear.

A few years passed after this, and one of my fellow YW was sealed earlier this month. With her honeymoon pictures, she too was wearing bikinis in her pictures, when she had had strong standards in regards to modesty previously.

I don't wear bikinis personally, but the Church doesn't have specific rules about swimwear, does that make them okay?

Or should we try to cover up as much as possible to stay modest?

Does the circumstance change at all when we get married?

Is wearing something like that for the eyes of your spouse acceptable?

Thanks in advance!

- Anon




Dear Anon,

Great questions!

The Church doesn't have specific rules about a lot of things.  Such a list would, IMHO, be ridiculous.  See, the more specific commandments are the more likely we are to say that the excluded items are okay.

For example, the Word of Wisdom doesn't specifically mention crystal meth, but it does say not to put harmful things into our bodies . . . and certainly meth qualifies.

And let's say the Prophet came out and listed every possible "bad for you" substance by name and slang . . . is he supposed to do that every time something new comes out?  Does Church leadership really need to come out and say "you know, e-cigarettes are habit forming and contain harmful nicotine, so don't smoke them"?  Isn't it enough to simply trust that mature and intelligent people get it without being told every little thing?

And two things about "commandments:

1.  Regardless of the root "command", the truth is that all commandments are guidelines given by Heavenly Father for His children with the design and purpose of helping us have more joy and ease in our lives, helping us feel the Spirit, and ultimately making it easier for us to return to Him.

2.  I believe one need not be perfect in living all of the commandments to know what's right and wrong, or to point those things out.  I am not perfect (very long list of people - starting with Sister Jo and the Jo Kids - that will testify to that), but that doesn't mean I don't know right from wrong; nor does it mean that I'm not entitled to have an opinion on right from wrong, or to share that opinion.  Doing so isn't "judging" people; it's qualifying behavior.  Judgment is the Lord's, but that doesn't mean we can't say "hey, that behavior is stupid, and I think it's dumb to do it".


For the Strength of Youth may not say "don't wear a bikini" . . . but does it need to?

It clearly talks about modesty, what should be covered, and not to "make exceptions" for special occasions.

You know what I think is a good test?  For us to ask ourselves why we're wearing that item.  If the answer is ever "because I want to show off how hot I look" or "I want people to be turned on" . . . well, I think those are clearly a sign that we ought not be wearing that.


Remember, I'm not a spokesperson for the Church.


I can tell you what I know, and what I think, though.

Sister Jo and my daughters do not own bikinis.  Not because I'm a prude.  Or old.  Or ashamed of the human body.  Or uncomfortable with . . . whatever people will claim.

And it's not because I'm an oppressive ogre who exerts some kind of misogynistic power over the women in my home.

It's because we think bikinis (and some other swimwear, too) are immodest.

We know lots of Good Church members who disagree with us on that.

I think parents who let . . . encourage . . . (even buy) their daughters bikinis are, frankly, naive and stupid . . . when it comes to this particular issue.

Or, perhaps something worse than naive . . .

Sister Jo thinks that some people want their children to look sexy so they can convince people that they too are (or once were) sexy.

I find that very disturbing.

And I think in many cases she's absolutely correct.


For the Record:  I think these same concepts apply to guys sometimes, too.  Girls aren't the only ones that are ever immodest.


In our home we recognize that there are certain activities (sports, dance) where the items worn to participate could easily be called "immodest" AWAY from that ACTIVITY.

And I think that's an important distinction.  We would neither condone our wrestlers wearing singlets outside the gym than we would our ballerinas wearing tights and leotards outside the studio or off the stage.

We may change into swimsuits at the beach or pool, but we don't wear them around town.


And let's be clear:  the purpose of a bikini is not "because it's really hot today" or because they're great for swimming in;  their purpose and function is to show of the body and arouse those looking.  Anyone who says different, again IMHO, is a liar.


There are times when we have felt intimidated to stand up for modesty, especially with dance.  I think those feelings come from Satan.  On the (albeit) rare occasion when a costume has been selected that we found too risque when we spoke up to the person selecting the costume rather than mock and argue, they were supportive and understanding.  And, I might remind, we live "outside the Zion Curtain".  (Perhaps that's why.)


I don't think modesty starts at a certain age.  I don't think parents should give in (finding modest clothing, even for toddler girls, can be very difficult) or give up.  It's so much easier to set a standard of modesty in our homes EARLY, and stick to it, than to try and impose it later.  (Yeah, good luck with that!)

And I don't think that modesty relaxes after a certain age or with marital status.


As for what married people allow their spouse and spouse only to see them in . . . I say "Go for it!"  You're married - I expect you to see each other naked, for gosh sakes.  If she likes to see her husband walk around in a Speedo (not very likely) or it turns him on to see the wife in lingerie (which, honestly, never gets old) then Great for Them!


Now, I'll tell you that expressing this opinion is not going to endear me to any of my bikini condoning friends or their wives or daughters . . . or mothers.

Don't drop your standards.  But don't go preaching to people on this issue, either.  You worry about you and your children (when the time comes).  I can tell you from experience, if someone asks your opinion on this, give it, but if your opinion is like mine no one who doesn't ask is going to want to hear it.

When it comes to modesty, I think the best thing to do is live your life your way and allow others to live theirs.

Unless you're in a position where you're required to say something, but even then you need to be very delicate.

A quality that, I'm sure you've noticed, I lack.

- Bro Jo